Sunday, December 23, 2007
This year, I'm thankful for miracles, big and small.
First, there's the obvious. God sent His precious son Jesus to earth, knowing he would die for our sins. Yes, He knew that he would ultimately conquer death and offer us a way to be with Him forever, but the reality of watching your son suffer and even die gets more intense with every wonderful day I spend with two sons of my own.
Now, for the smaller, but still important, Christmas miracles.
We have a family picture. In the snow! Do you know how much Joel hates to have his picture taken? And in this picture, there are no painful or awkwards smiles, no eyes closed...Joel actually looks like his handsome self. I am thrilled.
Last Christmas, we never would have guessed that this Christmas, we would be a family of four with little boy who is one month old. He is beautiful and healthy...and loved.
We sent a Christmas card. Before Christmas. If you know me, you know this is an incredible feat, and that my body must still be filled with some sort of magic baby hormone that causes me to start and, yes, finish a task. Not that I can take all the credit. It still wouldn't have happened without my incredible husband. But, I did more that just have a good intention... and some days, that really feels like big miracle.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
More details to come, but here are the basics.
Beckett was born on Wednesday, November 21st at 1:31 p.m. He weighed in at 8 lbs 7 oz. ( a peanut compared to his big brother) and 21 inches long.
We're all healthy, happy to be home, and feeling great.
Monday, November 12, 2007
A few examples...
"I'm holding the granola bar...because I'm eating it right now." (Last night, while walking around at the park.)
"I'm sorry, we can't go to the zoo right now, because it's raining outside." (The other day, while looking out the window. A few weeks before, we had to skip a trip to the zoo due to the rain.)
Today at breakfast, I turned on the kitchen light. Eli said a minute or so later, "Turn the light off." Joel asked, "Why do you want the light off?" He replied, "Because it's on."
"The hippos are crying, because they can't see an excavator." (This afternoon, while we read Hippos Go Berzerk before his nap. The excavator knowledge is complements of the road construction on Hwy 40.)
Saturday, November 10, 2007
I haven't turned them all down, and Halloween certainly didn't help matters. But, overall, I've been much more careful than I was while pregnant with Eli to avoid sugar and sweets. So far, I've gained 18 lbs this pregnancy. Even so, they estimated that Beckett was already 7 lbs and 4 oz at my 36 week ultrasound.
Eli was 9 lbs and 12 oz. Yikes! Adorable and sweet, but big.
I really want to do a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section), so I am hoping to "keep" Beckett under 9 lbs. Not that I am incredibly excited about delivering an 8 lb. 12 oz. baby either, but that at least sounds doable.
So, if I turn down that cupcake that you offer me, don't think it's because of some super will-power. I just want to be able to hold BOTH our boys on my lap soon after Beckett arrives, not have to recover from surgery.
Save me some ice cream, because after Beckett is on the outside, I have some cravings to indulge!
This entry is me trying to overcome the tendency to scrap the whole thing if I can't do it the way I originally intended.
And here's where we're at now.
Ready. 10 days until our due date. Yes, I can think of the a million things I would love to do before our new little boy gets here, but really, we are ready. It feels great, especially when it comes to our house being so much more put together then when Eli was born. It feels like a home. No drywall dust. Closets with clothes hanging in them. Walls. Paint. Pictures on the wall. And it's amazing how much Joel and I have gotten done in the past three weeks. Lots of things that aren't directly related to the baby, like cleaning out the basement, but are motivated by the awareness that life as we know it will change completely. I'm very aware that my "spare" time is about to disappear.
I think, I hope, I'm doing a little of my typical "worst case scenario" planning here. I am planning on being overwhelmed, tired, stuck in the house alot, lonely, challenged by the new level of discipline having two kids will require, concerned over how Eli will handle the transition and less attention, aware that number two may not be the easy baby that Eli was, etc. But I'm also aware that I will have the opportunity to find moments to savor, and that there will be a sweetness in it all.
Our family is growing...and so is our joy.
Monday, October 15, 2007
When the kids are only two, I think it's safe to say that the play date is more for the the moms than the kids. I do love hanging out with Lisa, and our frequent gatherings at the park. Eli loves to talk about Matt, Lisa, and their sweet little girl Audrey, who just turned a year.
But here's the question.
If you voluntarily give up your tricyle to a girl, and voluntarily push her on the tricycle...
Then give her an eskimo kiss (ok, we told him to do that part)...
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Friday, August 31, 2007
Here's a pic of me and my tummy these days... We're still stuck on a name, but we have time, right?
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
Then, he was snuggling in our bed, and Joel got up earlier than usual to take a shower. When he came back in the room, Eli said, "Daddy, pay gawf?" Yep, that's exactly where Joel was headed.
Then, Joel said, "Eli, we have a song to sing for you." When we started singing Happy Birthday, Eli sat up, put his hands in his lap, and grinned ear to ear. "I see big trains. Climb the stairs. Ring the bell." He was talking about the train museum we visited last weekend, which is where we are having his birthday party tomorrow.
More birthday updates soon...
Friday, August 10, 2007
He scooted along for the rest of the afternoon. We even brought it in the house for a while, but that didn't do great things for our walls- it's definitely an outside bike.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Eli woke up each morning saying, "Go see Nonna".
She gave him dancing lessons, and he loved it.
We got to go to church together.
We ate Ted Drew's.
He learned "Jesus loves the little ones like, me, me, me."
He now requests "da saints"...aka Oh When the Saints.
We visited the Botanical Gardens.
We ate Ted Drew's.
When we pass Starbucks, Eli says, "Nonna coffee."
Joel and I got to go on a two night retreat together.
We enjoyed an all-american block party.
We ate Ted Drew's.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I woke up at 4:00 am. That's been a routine for about a week now. A trip to bathroom, a drink of water, and a quick prayer that I will be able to fall asleep again easily. But yesterday, I was wide awake and felt restless. I thought maybe God was trying to get my attention. Pray...for someone. There are lots of people in our community hurting right now. So I started praying. Then my tummy rumbled. Uh oh.
As is usually the case after getting sick, I felt better immediately. Then comes the waiting time. Was this a one time only thing? Or the beginning of a bug.
20 minutes later...yep, it's a bug.
Joel is leaving at 6:30 am for a 3 day trip to Dallas. He made a quick trip to the store to buy me some ginger ale. Sweet. Still, I try to think about an entire day of this with a toddler who surely will not understand why I don't want to play.
Around 10:00, I was dead tired, and since Eli still doesn't watch t.v., so I called our neighbor Liza to see if she could take Eli for a walk. She came over to pick him up. But he just layed across my lap, saying, "hug." He seems to have a sixth sense for when things are not quite right, and I didn't want to send him off in the wagon screaming. So we walked across the street, and got him started playing with her boys in the backyard. 10 minutes later, I headed home for a nap.
At 12:45, she brought him back over. He seemed cheerful. She said he didn't eat much lunch.
At 12:50, he was playing with his toys right in front of me, and he threw up. His eyes were wide as he looked at me, trying to figure out what was happening. He cried. "Falling out? Is falling out?" he said in between heaves. I felt helpless. Our everything-in-it's-place little boy does not like it when things spill. And he started trying to pick it up. I told him "No, don't touch!" and realized that I sounded like I was scolding him right in the middle of it all. How could I make him understand that this mess was okay, that I would take care of it?
The next time, he said "fall out again" right before he threw up. It happened another 10-15 times. It still makes me teary to think of it. He doesn't know to lean forward over a sink or toilet. He doesn't know that wood floors are easier to clean that carpet or a couch. He does know that he feels safe when his head is on my shoulder or he is laying in my lap. At one point, I settled for putting a towel on the floor and just letting him lay on my lap. More than anything, I wanted him to be safe and comforted.
How do you answer a 21 month old who begs for apple juice or water when you know they will only throw it up in 30 seconds? How do you tell them it is best for them to be thirsty and let their tummy settle down, so they can get better?
Just another reminder of the things I ask God for... when the answer is "no" or "not yet."
Is there anything in the world that will make a mother forget her own discomfort more quickly than the discomfort of her child? I guess somewhere I still new I was tired and thirsty and hungry, but it wasn't such a big deal anymore.
Finally, around 7:00 p.m., he kept a 1/2 ounce of water down. At 7:15, we tried another. I'd set the timer each time and try to distract him as he said, a million times, "Nore attel zuice? Nore? Mama, nore peeze?" My heart ached. Then the timer would go off, and it was time to ration some more.
At 9:00, he feasted on some banana and toast.
At 9:45, he was asleep. Peacefully.
He stayed asleep until 10:30 this morning, when I woke him up.
Today, I am thanking God for our health, and for the lessons.
Friday, June 15, 2007
I said, "Yes, you went potty in the bathtub. Now it's time to put a diaper and pajamas on."
"All creatures, " he said. That means he wants to listen to All Creatures of Our God and King on the CD player.
"Ok, you can listen to it one time."
He went into the office, turned on the stereo, and pressed play. Disc 48 began. He was as nude as can be, slowly bending his knees and standing back up with a big grin on his face
"I dancing." Pause. "Ah-yay-yu-yah." "I go potty."
And he walked over to his little potty chair, sat down, and smiled. This was a big moment, since he was actually sitting on it. I got the camera and took a few pictures. He wanted to see them of course. He was proud. Finally, since it was after 9:00, I decided it really was time for bed.
He stood up, and lo and behold he'd actually peed in the potty!!! I congratulated him, and showed him how we empty it in the big potty and flush the toilet. He loves to flush. We called Joel to tell him the big news.
I don't think we're anywhere near saying goodbye to diapers, but I'm certainly not going to keep him from trying if he's interested. We'll see how it goes...
Monday, June 11, 2007
At breakfast on the morning of May 21st, he put his head down, eyes wide open and looking at us, and said quietly, "Thank you Jesus. Amen." It was the sweetest thing. Lately, when we forget to pray, he'll stop partway through eating and say, "Pay? Momma, pay?" "Do you want to pray Eli?" "Yeah" "Okay, let's pray."
Sometimes, he lowers his voice, babbles a bit, and then says, "Amen." Only God knows what he's saying, but I'm sure it makes Him smile.
When we were in Hilton Head, he said his first "big" prayer. The three of us sat down to dinner, and Joel led us in prayer, thanking God for our food, our vacation, the beach, the waves, etc. All three of us said "Amen." A minute later, Eli said, "Pay again? More pay?" I didn't think he would understand what I said next, but I thought it was a start.
"Eli, you can pray whenever you want. God will always listen."
"Do you want to pray again?"
"Ok, go ahead."
"Thank you Jesus for potty....(pause)....beach. Amen."
Eli doesn't actually use the potty (yet), but he LOVES to tear off a little toilet paper, put it in the toilet, flush it, and close the lid. The toilet at the condo was much easier to flush than ours at home, and he was thrilled. So I guess he understands a part of prayer- that we thank God for all blessings, big and small. Potties included.
Some of our favorite highlights include Eli's first real prayer: "Thank you Jesus for potty...beach...amen." He loved to put the seashells "away" in the water. He loved the elevator to get to our room, the bikes with the "car" in the back, pushing a toy truck around on the beach, the birds, floating in his boat in the water, and watching other kids in the pool. I loved spending so much time with Joel, falling asleep hearing the waves, taking naps whenever we wanted, the king bed, the jacuzzi tub, the beach, and the ice cream.
Monday, May 7, 2007
I really think this baby is a girl. If so, all 2.5 inches of her are causing quite a strange, rapidly changing list of cravings. Pickles. McDonald's cheese burgers. Yogurt. Enchiladas. Grape popsicles. Skittles. Tacos. Soft serve ice cream. Do you notice anything healthy on this list? Me neither. The yogurt stands alone as the sole nutrition.
Poor little girl. I need to start feeding her better.
I bought it when he was a few months old, but he never paid much attention to it. For several weeks, he's been calling out ever truck and bus he sees, including a very exciting few days when our neighbors across the street had a new patio and sidewalk poured. Ahhh, the cement truck. Eli stood on the couch and barely left the window when that truck was there.
So the other evening, when I was getting him ready for bed, he walked over to the shelf where his toys are, pulled the red fire engine down, and said "Kuck." He carried it over to the chair where we read books, and wanted it in his lap with us. That next morning, when I went to get him up, he declared enthusiastically, "Kuck!" (instead of "fam", "mama", "daddy", "fun", "waffle", or "owside"- the favorites up to this point.) And he insisted on carrying it downstairs with him for breakfast. He pushed it across the floor on his knees, spin the tires, and carried it from room to room. That evening, the truck had to come upstairs for bed too. He's not trying to sleep with it...yet.
We love this little boy.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
So these are the recent things that I feel sure I will remember 10 years from now, but I know better.
Eli will extend his cup, binkie, a pen, etc. and say "To me?" That means he wants to hand it to you. It was funny when I realized what he was saying, and that it came from me asking, "Can you want to give it to me?"
"Ma-nore?" makes us smile every time. It means "one more".
He'll lay his head on something, grin, and say "night night." Often it's a pillow. But sometimes it's a bench or a table or random thing.
He loves to point to and name his body parts. Eyes, mowf, hair, bewy (belly), ear, penis, towz, foot, eeth, chin, knees, ebow, ose (and then "yuck" when he puts his finger up it).
He asks for hugs. "Hug? Hug?" And he lays his head on your shoulder, while your heart melts. He sometimes follows it with, "Again?" to request another kiss or hug.
He says, "Daddy car?" when he sees a Volkswagon or black sedan.
He loves letters. We don't know how it happened, but he knows every lower case letter except q. He gets p, d, and b mixed up sometimes. But it's the cutest thing to watch him spot a letter somewhere and declare enthusiastically, "x!".
Yesterday, when Joel left for work, Eli waved goodbye at the window. I said, "We love you Daddy!" and Eli replied with "I yuv yew." We had to call Joel to tell him again. I think he almost turned the car around and came home. : )
By 9:30 a.m. it was warm enough to go to the pool, and he was floating around in the water in his "boat".
Monday, April 2, 2007
"Your nurturing instinct will expand to include many people."
What do you think of when you read that? I thought, "I need to buy a pregnancy test."
So I did.
Then Donna went to Safeway in our p.j.'s at 10:30 at night to buy another. Because those one's at the Dollar Store are, well, only a dollar. How good can they be? (That's what I get for laughing at my friend who took 7 positive tests before realizing that yes, she IS pregant.)
That one was positive too.
I told Joel on Sunday when I got home from CA. I asked him to pick up the picture at Walgreen's and "check them first to make sure they turned out okay."
He came out of the store with a huge grin on his face.
We think it's a girl.
And now, our prayer before dinner closes with "God bless this meal to all FOUR of us."
The Lindsey Family is growing.
bi·op·sy (bps) n. 1. The removal and examination of a sample of tissue from a living body for diagnostic purposes. 2. A specimen so obtained.
It was a whirlwind of a week. I was sick the first week of March. Tired, coughing, swollen lymph nodes, and not feeling "right". I went to the Dr., got some bloodwork and chest x-rays. It came back fine, and he thought it was some sort of virus. I started to feel better, but that lump was still there, and I knew it wasn't right to ignore it. It especially got the best of me at night, lying awake and letting my imagination go to all sorts of scary places. Cancer. Cancer and pregnant. Cancer, pregnant, and having to choose between treatment or a baby. Crying until I fell asleep. And to think, I'm normally pretty logical!!
Joel and I decided it would be good for me to go to Paradise, CA for a few days to be with Donna, help her pack, and begin to wrap my mind and heart around their upcoming divorce. It was hard to leave Eli. If it wasn't for the special "father-son" memories I knew they'd be making, I wouldn't have been able to get on that plane. 4 days, 3 nights, and my first trip without Eli. Heartbreaking! I kept reminding myself it wouldn't have been fair to bring him, and Joel and Eli would have a great time. I thought maybe God had something in store for me with a little more time that usual for reflection and just making decisions for "one".
I got sick on the flight out there. Sore throat. I wanted to just push through, but I was EXHAUSTED. Friday, I did some packing. We went to pick up the moving truck, and I got to see my Dad's old best friend, Steve Williams. Later, we began loading the moving truck. I was feeling twinges and pangs with any lifting, but chalked it up to sickness. That night we went to Chinese Food, which deserves it's own entry, but included the amazing and wonderful news that I'm pregnant! I started trying to think of fun ways to tell Joel, and process the news myself.
My throat hurt like crazy, I was losing my voice, I was tired, bleeding a bit, emotional, fragile, sad for the Seamans, excited about the pregnancy...quite a mess really. We went to the Warings on Saturday, where I shared the news (Joel still didn't know) and Dr. Waring looked at my throat. I mentioned the other swollen lymph nodes and he said I should get them biopsied if it hadn't gone down for over a month. I left telling myself it was nothing. But during the drive home, my imagination kicked into gear. Emotions fueled the fire. Soon tears were streaming down my face, and I decided I needed a voice of reason. My third phone call was to the doctors exchange, where the nurse kindly reassured me that everything would be fine, and had the dr. call me. He was also reassuring, telling me that the x-ray hadn't damaged the baby, I can take Tylenol for my throat, if anything was "really" wrong my body wouldn't let me get pregnant, rest to help stop the bleeding, and that they would see me on Monday for the lymph node. I felt better.
All this, and I still hadn't told Joel! I got home Sunday afternoon, and shared the news that evening.
Monday, I saw a doctor. She said the wanted the lymph node out immediately, and scheduled an appointment with a surgeon. Tuesday, blood draws at the OB, and the bleeding subsided. Wednesday, the appointment with the surgeon, who was 90% sure it was "nothing". Surgery scheduled for Friday. Wednesday night, tears and fear. I had no voice, and tearily croaked through Eli's bedtime stories. Goodnight Moon and I Love It When You Smile never seemed so bittersweet. That night, I wept and tried bargaining with God..."just let me be around long enough so that Eli will know and remember how much I love him...really, it's for the best that you keep me around...it wouldn't be fair to Joel to take someone else from him..." I was pulling out all the stops, even while I knew that what I needed was to SURRENDER. Thursday, blood draw at the OB, lots of kind reassurance about doing the surgery while I was pregnant, and finally feeling a glimmer of the hope that in 90% favorable odds the surgeon had given. Again, this is all crazy because normally, my brain WINS these tug of wars, and it was so clearly not in this case.
So here's my definition of biopsy.
1. The removal of false security and sense of entitlement to a long life.
2. The process of acknowledging God's goodness and authority.
3. The perspective and faith so obtained.
Friday, we dropped Eli off at a friends and went to the hospital. The nurses were great. I felt nervous after the anesthesiologist came in, because he seemed very concerned about me bring pregnant. He cleared the surgery (again) with our OB. They explained that they would "put me under" while they administered the local anesthetic, then bring me out of it to do the rest of the procedure with a light sedative to take the edge off. The whole surgery was supposed to take a half hour. I asked the surgeon if there was anyway he could tell by looking at it. He said there was no good way to know without the pathology reports that would come back the next week, but that everything would fine. "Don't sweat it," he said. It helped. But I didn't know how I would be able to wait A WEEK for those results.
I was surprised when I woke up in the recovery room (instead of surgery) to these words from the nurse, "Honey, you're in the recovery.They didn't need to remove the lymph node after all. It turns out, you had a hernia, and they repaired it."
I croaked "Okay", got grateful tears in my eyes, thanked God, and fell back asleep. In the meantime, the surgeon was out delivering the news to Joel in the waiting room. (He said the surgery took longer because I had several coughing fits, so they had to keep me under and wait to finish the repair."
God answered the prayer I didn't think I "could" pray. To know something when I woke up, and for it to be "nothing" at all. I'll take a femoral hernia over a suspicious lymph node any day.
Later, as the nurse wheeled me to a different room, she said, "We just hate to see people your age, with kids and a young family, in for that kind of surgery. Finding out that you didn't need that biopsy was the best news all day. Congratulations honey."
Joel and I called the OB's office while we were still at the hospital. They said my blood tests results look great, and scheduled an appointment for an ultrasound the next week.In the meantime, I'm pretty sore, supposed to avoid coughing, not lift anything over twenty pounds, and take it easy for a while. : )
A huge burden has been lifted. But I don't want the lesson to be gone with it. We're thanking God for his goodness to us, and the clearer perspective that comes from times like this.
EVERY DAY IS GRACE!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
I remember using blankets and pillows. Or the space under my parent rolltop desk. The bottom bunk of our bunk beds. In the summer, it was the family tent-trailer, when the top was down. Forts. Those little spaces that are just the right size for a kid. Eli got a tent for Christmas from The Kunz family. It was on backorder, so it came this month, on a particulary cold day when we were all experiencing a little cabin fever. If only a new toy would magically appear at the door. We opened the box right away...