Go Team Lindsey

Names

2011-07-19T13:19:00.000-07:00

People often ask us about the names of our children and how we chose them. Each of their names have special meaning, which is really a whole story in itself. But lately, I've been thinking not about the names we choose, but the names we inherit.

Almost two weeks ago, I traveled with Schaeffer to CA for 5 days to attend my grandfather's memorial. His name was Harry Loewenberg, and he was my dad's biological father, who I only met after my father died. The story goes that Harry left my grandma with two boys, ages 3 (my dad) and 1. They lived in foster care until my grandma got back on her feet. She married Ted Kelly, who adopted both boys, and that's how my dark skinned dad with Italian-Portuguese-Spanish blood in his veins, came to be a Kelly.

It's easy to dismiss a man's character as despicable when he leaves his wife with two young kids for another woman. It gets a little fuzzy when he remains married to that same woman for 65 years and I'm standing at a memorial where the character trait described most is Harry's unfailing love and affection for his wife. And yet his son Terry, my half uncle that I'd never met before, shared about about he didn't have much of a relationship with his father, even though he grew up in the same home. He didn't hear, "I love you," or receive time and affection from the man brought them into the world, and in those ways, his story and my Dad's are really not so different. The sad truth is that Harry himself was not originally a Loewenberg, but born as a Delvico and then, through some series of tragedies landed in an orphanage, grew up fighting to defend himself, and then eventually adopted to inherit his new name.

What is my real name? I could have been Melissa Loewenberg. Or Melissa Delvico. Or, if my husband's family story was not peppered with it's own tragedy, Melissa Phillips, or Melissa Pendarvis. There's so much about the events and brokenness in their family that I wish I could understand. I wonder about how traces of these decisions affect our family, even now. In what ways am I wounded, blind, broken, gifted, strengthened, or equipped because of my family's heritage? How does God get glory in all of this?

"...To him who overcomes, to him I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and a new name written on the stone which no one knows but he who receives it." (Rev 2:17)

C.S. Lewis has some interesting thoughts on the matter.

“…God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its first love. Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it. …The day is coming when you will wake to find, beyond all hope, that you have attained it, or else, that it was within your reach and you have lost it forever.

Lewis continues:

“What can be more a man’s own than this new name which even in eternity remains a secret between God and him? And what shall we take this secrecy to mean? Surely, that each of the redeemed shall forever know and praise some one aspect of the Divine beauty than any other creature can. Why else were individuals created, but that God, loving all infinitely, should love each differently?”

I don't have to understand all the pieces to this story. But I can search and participate, on this earth, for ways to glorify God with all the parts and names, all the brokenness and beauty. And even when I can't see how it all works together, trust that God is a redeemer, and He is good.

transPlanted

2011-06-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

Some are tired and overworked. Some are colorful. Some are useful, while others break down quickly. They may be simple or complex, old or new, scientific or artistic. They are part of our uniquely developed human mind, and sooner or later, we all enlist them to communicate what we otherwise could not.

The metaphor. Who has not experience the relief, after tugging and pulling at the knotted shoelace, of that perfect picture to describe, explain, or teach what we could not before?

Several years ago, as I was exploring new interests and hobbies, I took a pottery class. I had big dreams of beautiful bowls, funky coffee mugs, artistic pitchers, and a Christmas peppered with handmade gifts for all of my family and friends.

We spent all three hours of first class learning to prep the clay and center the earthy lumps on a wheel.

It turns out that while it's called "throwing", which sounds lighthearted enough, you can't actually make anything on a pottery wheel unless the clay is the right consistency, with no air bubbles, and perfectly centered it on the wheel. Which needs to be moving at just the right speed.

It takes practice and some serious muscle to get to the stage where you actually pull up the walls of clay and start forming anything at all. It has to happen carefully, so as not to throw things off center, or the centrifugal force pulls the whole thing into a wild mess. Carefully, but firmly, because you are after all, coaxing earth into a new shape and it doesn't actually know what it's supposed to be unless you tell it. All while the wheel is whirling, whirling, whirling.

I quickly adjusted my gift giving plans. It turned out to be a really fun class, but the things that remain years later don't hold coffee or sit on a shelf.

I could not shake the metaphor. The image of God as the potter and us as clay. (Isaiah 64:8)

It makes perfect sense that God, as the perfect teacher, would know how capture my heart and mind with an image.

God as teacher, healer, gardener, potter, shepherd, father, mother, king, counselor.

He knows how to reach us in our everyday lives, in our everyday activities.

He knows how to reach me, the mother of 3 busy boys, as I try to love my family, and serve my friends and community. As Joel and I try to discern what God has next for us regarding career, ministry, and calling. As I try to hold on loosely to things that familiar and comfortable. He sees my overwhelmed, confused, just-think-about-it-harder-and-you'll-figure-it-out thoughts.

He knows how to reach me.

This week, it was God and a hydrangea.

I planted one in our front yard last fall. I was on the porch, studying it absentmindedly while the boys ate popsicles. Wondering if the slightly lopsided shrub may in fact be planted crooked, or just needs some pruning. Wondering if maybe I should move it to the backyard.

And then I noticed. It has tiny light green blossoms forming on the tips of it's branches.

It doesn't care about my plans.

I've heard the phrase "bloom where you're planted" countless times. But this is the first time it dawned on me that plants don't just put down roots where ever they are, they do whatever it is they are to do, without care or concern for whether they will soon be pruned, replanted, or transplanted. Plants bloom with no regard to the gardeners future plans.

Do what I am to do in the present, trust the good gardener to create the beautiful landscape he envisions.

I can do that today.

Salad & Showering

2011-03-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the Seinfeld where Kramer discovered the joys of meal prepping in the shower? I think I need a waterproof computer. That's where most of my uninterrupted thinking happens. Today's excuse for my 20 minutes in shower:

- For the past 7 years my husband has been a pastor. One way I supported his role is in trying to love, encourage, and serve the people in our church and community. In theory, I've known that this is what I'm called to do regardless of his job. For now, he isn't "professionally" a pastor. I'm so relieved to feel the same desire to love the people that God places around us. I'm reminded, grateful, and reassured it has nothing to do with a "job."

- Anger has always made me nervous. It seems so messy and unpredictable. I'm realizing that I've been operating under this false ideal. My recipe for being angry without sinning?

1) Recognize that I feel angry.
2) Stop everything.
3) Wait until all feelings subside before doing anything.

This ideal doesn't fit very well with Jesus overturning tables in the temple. He didn't go away, meditate for a few hours, come back and explain to the money-changers over tea why he was displeased with their actions. This doesn't mean I get to fly off the handle when I'm angry, but it does mean if I keep waiting until I'm not angry to address certain issues, I'm likely to feel "stuck" in ways God never intended.

- I can't believe Schaeffer will be 1 soon. We're coming up the age where people often ask if we are "done". The truth? I wish it was possible to have 5 more children AND be at the stage of life where Joel and I can take a trip, go on dates, reliably sleep through the night, or have the energy to have fun not sleeping through the night. I love our kids, and yet I know one of the best gifts we can give them is two happily married parents.

- Gifts and privileges do not, on their own, create a grateful heart. Entitlement is the enemy of gratitude. True of me, and true of my kids.

- I've always been able to adapt easily to different people and situations. It's a blessing. But there's a fine line between being adaptable and co-dependant. I need to spend more time asking what God is doing in me, what He's calling me to, and how He's wired me, instead of what a person or situation "needs" from me.

So, that's what I've got. Not as impressive as Kramer's radish roses. But the boys are restless and excited for their trip to the Dollar Store today, and I did, after all, take a 20 minute shower followed by some computer time. Some multi-tasking is better left undone.

Time to go be a momma.

Dust & Spring

2011-03-10T18:09:00.000-08:00

Spring is just around the corner.

I've been saying that for 2 months now.

Every year it seems the same thing happens in March. A few warm, breezy, days to run outside, meet again the long lost neighbors...and then, weeks of bitter cold days that make you wonder if winter will ever end.

With three kids, my longing for spring has grown. It means fewer sniffles and fevers, more adventures and parks, and much less laundry. And sun. Oh, the sun.

That golden light is the reason for the spring cleaning. You can just see everything better, including the dust and clutter, when that light starts shining in. It's a chance to start fresh.

And let's face it, sometimes, I need an excuse to start. Something to move me from the planning and pondering to the deciding and the doing.

Spring is just around the corner, and it's just the excuse I need to dust off this blog. Life is happening all around and within, and I've got page corners to bend.

First Day of School

2009-09-17T12:30:00.000-07:00

Eli is back at Union this year, and brought along his favorite alter-ego. Here's Buzz on his first day of school.

Joel and I have been joking that if the obsession doesn't let up, we are sure to have Star Trek conventions in our future.

S'mores

2009-09-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

A wonderful evening with friends and s'mores. One of those nights that is simple and good and easy, and I am just so aware that I do not deserve this life, this family, these friends, but oh, am I grateful.

"S" is for...

2009-08-31T07:43:00.000-07:00

"S" is for Starfall. As in www.starfall.com.

A friend just told me about it, and it's so cool! The website has lots of alphabet and learning games, engaging but simple graphics and pleasant sound effects. No obnoxious, on-my-last-nerve songs or voices...hooray!

"S" is for Sick.

So this is just the thing to help pass the time since Eli's been under the weather for two days now. Nothing serious- a fever, headache, and cough. To tell you the truth, it's not so bad because he's funny, sweet and really cooperative when he's sick. We don't know why- maybe he actually thinks he needs us a little.

Yesterday morning:

"Mama, something's wrong. Something's the matter with my head right here," he whined, pointing above his nose.

"Yeah, honey, you have a headache. I'm sorry that it hurts. We have medicine to help that feel better."

"What is it called again?"

"A head ache. It's when your body is sick and it makes your head hurt. But it will get better soon."

Later:

"Hey Daddy, guess what? I had a heddick and Mama gave me some medicine that tasted like Kool-Aid and now it's better!"

Then, last night, his way of saying the Tylenol had worn off:

In a sing-song voice, "I kno-ow...maaaybeee...I could put on my bike helmet, and it will help those pieces in my head stay together that are falling apart."

stars

2009-08-27T08:40:00.000-07:00

Last night, Eli was quietly busy in the kitchen for several minutes while I visited with a friend in the family room. I let it go, without even checking on him.

"Hey Mama, come look what I did!" he proudly called from the kitchen.

I walked in, gazing around the room for evidence of his quiet creativity.

"Look, I put stickers here on the cabinet, and the drawer, and on the oven, and two on the refrigerator, and some on the freezer. I put the stars EVERYWHERE so I could make it pretty for you. That's pretty cool, huh?" He was smiling, and proud.

He'd used the left over foil stickers from his birthday party. Metallic red, shimmery silver, yellow gold were eagerly placed where ever his four-year-old arms could reach. Smiling, I told him it yes, it IS beautiful.

I meant it.

Happy 4th Birthday!

2009-08-24T14:21:00.000-07:00

If three was The Year of the Bobcat, then four was The Year of Buzz Lightyear.

Eli is Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger, for several hours every day. He recites endless lines of movie dialogue, drains Joel's i-phone while watching Toy Story clips on YouTube (so he'll eagerly tell you about "Spanish Buzz Lightyear"), has worn head-to-toe polyester Buzz gear in 100+ degree heat, and often asks God to give him Buzz Lightyear dreams.

So when it came time to plan his 4th birthday party, there was no doubt about the theme:

"Calling all Space Rangers. Intergallactic emergency in sector 63119. Emporer Zurg has been sighted near Eli's house. Join the Universe Protection Unit to keep his sector safe. Space Rangers/Rangerettes will gather for training, fuel, and glucose boosters. Join us- the universe depends on it!"

He said, "For my birthday, I want a Buzz Lightyear cake. And real Buzz Lightyear wings, not pretend, so I can really fly."

With the help of some mmf (thanks for the tip, sis!) and some long unused play-dough molding skills, I was able to deliver on the Buzz cake.

The wings, well...not so much.

But that's okay, because when we talked about who would be at his party, he wanted to invite "my friend J.R.". J.R. is a St. Louis based national recording artist who sings one of Eli's favorite songs. The good news is that he and his wife Coco go to our church, so not only were we able to invite them, they came. (Days before, Eli happily prepared one of the goodie bags for him, selecting the Woody crayons, "because I bet J.R. likes Woody.")

And yes, we most definitely set him up for disappointment later in life when he learns that singers won't always come to your birthday party.

We are so grateful for the chance to celebrate with friends. The kids painted their wings and practiced their "falling with style".

This was the year Eli really "got" the whole present thing.

It was so cute to see all the kids excited to give gifts. You could really tell they picked them out with Eli in mind.

He asked me several times, "Do I really get to keep these and not give them back?"

We could not get over the beautiful breezy "San Diego" weather we enjoyed in the middle of summer. After the party, Team Lindsey relaxed in the backyard and the boyz played with some of the new toys. We feel blessed to have shared the day with so many wonderful friends, and are so grateful for our bright, funny, friendly four year old boy!

Happy 4th Birthday Eli! You are loved!

The Movies

2009-08-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

I don't get to the movies often. Partly, it's because I don't like spending the money on it when it's so much cheaper to wait two months and rent it. (Which is why it's a mystery that it takes me a 1/2 hour to choose a movie at Blockbuster- isn't it filled with new releases I haven't seen?) Mostly, it's that if I have three free hours with my husband, or some girlfriends, it just seems like staring at a screen together in silence is not the best way for us to spend it.

But there are exceptions. Here are mine:

1) You gotta see it on the BIG screen. Those scenic, beautiful movies that take your breath away- those are for the theater. I can't imagine being so awestruck by "Slumdog Millionaire" on our flatscreen at home.
2) They are the dinner conversation. The characters are unique, the story is fresh, and there are decisions to ponder. One of Joel and my favorite dates was going to see "Once", then discussing it over dinner. (Ok, so borrowing our friend's little convertible on that gorgeous night didn't hurt it either.)
3) The anticipation is killing me, and I don't want to wait another few months until it comes out on dvd. If it's as good as I'm hoping, I want to see it now. If it's not, I'd rather know and not build it up even more.

So, I've been waiting for months to see Julie & Julia. I was looking forward to seeing it with two close friends, who both happen to be amazing cooks with a gift for hospitality. One is moving out of the state soon, so we've been on this sad sort of countdown and this seemed like the perfect "up" thing to do together. I hoped it would be a feel good, laugh together, be inspired, soul-search-in-a-not-too-serious way kind of movie.

It was.

And so was the wine and left-over chicken salad and zuchinni bread we shared at her house after, gathered around the kitchen island, laughing amidst the boxes of her half-packed house. I'm glad to have this movie as a sort of bookmark- a time with these two precious friends with a gift for weaving together food and laughter and friendship.

A Boy

2009-08-08T19:41:00.000-07:00

Eli will be four in two weeks. Lately, it's like his brain and body are having a little contest each day to see who can get there faster. Daily, Joel and I are updating and asking, "Have you seen him do that before? Guess what he asked me today? Did you know he could do that?"

He is a boy.

He climbs trees. In our backyard. He's a monkey you know, like Curious George. Which means sometimes, he will go an entire 30 minute without saying an actual word, while I decipher from his pointing, waving arms, smiling face, gestures, and "ooh-ooh-ah-ha"s as he communicates that he would like a drink, a banana, and a graham cracker. And then back to climbing. I may be taking him to the ER someday soon for a broken limb, but I'm okay with it. I think.

He is scared of things. He especially does not like going upstairs to go to the bathroom if no one else is up there. Today, he paused on the first stair, turned, and asked, "Are any sharks up there?" "Nope, they only live in the ocean." "Gorillas?" "Nope, gorillas are not allowed in the house." "Burglers?" "Nope, our house is safe." "Our house is safe?" "Yes, our house is safe."

He colors. Finally. For years, every marker or coloring crayon was nothing more than a drumstick. His preschool drawings were just scribbles, and he wasn't interested in writing letters other than his name. And then, one morning, after watching Blues Clues, something clicked, and he drew The Man with the Yellow Hat and Curious George and Huntleigh and they all had heads, eyes, noses, mouthes and arms. The man had legs. It was amazing.

His pull-up is dry more mornings than not.

He prays. On his bed last night, it went like this: "God, could I have a dream with two things in it? Little Einsteins and Curious George. And I want to be in it, not watching it, and ride in the rocket. And Curious George could ride in the rocket too. Amen." (He reported with some disappointment this morning that he did have a dream last night and got to ride in the rocket, but Curious George was not in it too.)

He jumps. Alot. When it's from the third step onto the sidewalk, it makes my heart do a little jump too. So far, he's been sticking the landing, but we just stocked up on Diego Band-Aids for those scrapes that come with being a boy.

He counts. Everything. And he prefers five. Like five more minutes please. And five chocolate chips please. And soon I will be four years old, and then I will be five.

But not yet mister. Right now, your just turning four, and that's big enough.

Frosting

2009-08-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

Our porch steps are half painted. Our dining room is beige, with test patches of silver sage and celery green on four walls. The kitchen mostly green. I'm getting kind of used to the boxes marked "office-fragile" sitting at my feet under desk. The weeds are half pulled in the flower bed in the front yard. None of this should surprise me.

As I took in my half done projects throughout the house today, I thought of Mr. Wrobel. My high school art teach. He was quirky, as any art teacher should be, but normal enough to be univerally loved. And he taught some life lessons in a setting where most kids didn't have their guard up.

Some days, he just sat at his desk, reading, sipping coffee, and helping each student that came up with questions. Other days, he made his way around the room, glasses perched on the end of nose, pausing a few minutes with each person to talk over their work together.

We were in the sketching stage of a week long project. It was a walk around day. It wasn't the kind of thing we dreaded, because he was always kind and always matter of fact, so it didn't feel too personal. But there was still a part of me that hoped for a thumbs up. He stood over my shoulder, looking for several seconds.

"Hmmm. I like it. But what are you doin' there?"pointing to the beginnings of a cowboy's leather glove.

"Drawing the glove," I said. I didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah, but what's this stuff you got in there? It looks like frosting."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Frosting."

"What do you mean?"

"You're frosting the cake before you bake it. You gotta finish sketching out the outline before you go in there shading and filling it in."

"But adding the details is more fun, " I explained, "It helps me know what it's gonna look like."

"You don't even know yet if that's where the hand should be and you're adding in all the details. That'll make it harder to move if you need to. Don't put the frosting on till you bake the cake."

"Okay."

"Keep up the good work."

"Thanks."

Twenty years later, and I'm still fighting the urge to frost first.

shedding

2009-04-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

I didn't much appreciate all the hair I lost a couple months after delivering each of the boys. There's a medical term for it, and I started my shedding exactly 12 weeks after each of their birthdays. Hair everywhere. Yuck. A receding hair line. Double yuck.

This is much better kind of shedding. Therapeutic in fact.

We're getting ready to move. But we have found the house we're moving to yet. This had me a little anxious, staring at the computer screen many evenings, searching and searching different real estate sites, as if I could actually bring our future house onto the market with sheer effort, determination, or magic combination of search requirements.

And then, God gave me a few nudges. You know, that I am not in control. A friend encouraged me, "Well, you could use this time to pack, so you're ready to go when you do find the house."

What, not wait until the days before we move to pack? Somehow, I just figured sleepless nights and a looming deadline were a part of moving. With two little ones, it's pretty unrealistic to think I am going to have 12 uninterrupted hours in a day to pack up our house. It's the packing rush that leads to the I-don't-have-time-to-sort-it mess, the mystery boxes, the dust collectors that were never opened from the previous move packed into a truck to move yet again.

So, I have time. And miraculously, I am using it. Sorting, organizing, shedding, labeling. With each trip to the dumpster, black trash bag in hand, I feel lighter. A little giddy in fact. I'm encouraged by the vision of our new home, even though I have no idea yet what it looks like. I have a sense of how it will feel, and I'm excited.

Buzz

2009-04-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

Bobcats (as in the skid-loaders) lost their all-consuming grip on Eli this winter. Lighting McQueen became his primary obsession, temporarily took second place to Wall-E, then regained his "most-beloved" standing.

A few weeks ago, he watched Toy Story. It took several days to make it through the entire movie. Those mutant toys are pretty scary! Eli especially didn't like Sid, the dog, or "the clippy thing with one eye closed". And his eyed filled with huge tears and his bottom lip quivered as he watched the scene when Buzz realized he could not really fly.

"Momma, Buzz is so sad. He can't really fly Momma. Momma, Buzz is really sad," and with that the tears came pouring down.

His empathy was sweet. I didn't know what to say or how to reassure him. We turned the movie off, as I reassured him that Buzz would feel better later in the story, that it would be okay.

A half hour later, in the kitchen, he said, "Momma, can we turn the movie back on and check to see if Buzz is feeling better yet? Is he still sad, or is he feeling happy now?"

Finally, we made it through the movie. And he's hooked. If you are quiet, you can probably hear him now.

"You Infinity....and Beyonnnnn!" as he jumps from the couch.

music for the season

2009-03-27T19:04:00.000-07:00

This is one of those dreaded projects. Unless you're one of those that have mastered "delayed gratification." Unfortunately, that's not me.

We have a mountain of cd's in our home. In my single years, I loved to spend hours at Borders, or more offbeat music shops, listening to albums, looking for that new favorite artist to become part of the soundtrack of that life stage. Isn't it funny, how you just have to hear a song, and you remember the crush, the adventure, the joy, the drive, the weather...? Bon Jovi, Sarah McLachlan, Keb' Mo, Train, Dave Matthews- they each take me back to different summers, different seasons.

All those seasons are getting rather dusty. And they're a mess. The CD cover may or may not indicate what cd is actually enclosed. Oh, the fun when it says VeggieTales, but then Beastie Boys comes blasting through the car speakers. Sorry kids.

We've tried. I've spend entire evenings sorting, alphabetizing, arranging. I made Joel join me in the dreaded project, imploring him to please not just stack them all on top of the CD rack when you're done, but put them back in their rightful place, and then we wouldn't have to do this again. He suggested we go digital and ditch the cd's all together.

I refused. Too sterile. I like album art and liner notes. I like to hold my music, see my music.

And then, the mess again. My 3 year old, pulling cd's out of the player, "Mama, do you know where the Glenn and Marketta song is?" My 15 month old, scrambling to pull album after album off the shelf, just for the glorious sound they make crashing to the wood floor. An me, with the quiet (there's no need to tell my husband) realization that it's me setting a pile from the car on top of the CD rack because, "I will sort through them later, you know, when I have time."

Well now it's time. Not for another sorting session, but the last sorting session. We're going digital. Because really, when is the last time I read liner notes? When in the last year have I stepped foot into a music store to browse? I know, I'm kind of a late adopter on this one. What took me so long? A stubborn streak. And the absolute mundane torture of downloading every single cd on our laptop. We started this morning, and we're about halfway through. But I finally think it's worth it.

Because really, I miss the music. I do want the music back in my daily life, my kitchen, my backyard, my room. These are some great days, and they deserve their own soundtracks too.

Rules for the Road

2009-02-24T11:45:00.000-08:00

We got the plastic firetruck out of the basement a month or so ago. The kind that is meant for someone Beckett's age. To push around as he learns to walk, or scoot along as he learns to ride.

The truck was hijacked. By Eli. He prefers to ride with shoes on (all the better to push with) to get some serious speed as flies though the thoroughfare of a hallway the runs the depth of our house. He has bumped his head on the front door a time or two when he misjudged his speed, but I'm picking my battles- it's a great way to burn off three year old energy on cold winter days.

The other night, as he was whizzing through the house, he told Joel he was thirsty. Joel got him some milk. A few minutes later, I heard this conversation in the hallway.

"Daddy, the milk is not coming out of my sippy cup."

"Well bud, you need to get off your truck if you want it to work. You can't drink while you're driving.

Glad we started that conversation early.

Twelve

2009-02-19T13:42:00.000-08:00

Twelve beautiful hours.

As in, the number of consecutive hours that Beckett slept last night.

Days shy of 15 months old, and he is finally sleeping though the night. Which means that I am sleeping through the night...almost. I did wake up at 2:00 a.m. in a brief panic. If you're a mom you too may have experienced the "I have been asleep for more than four hours and he's still sleeping- oh, no what's wrong with my child!" phenomenon. But it took no time at all for the panic to subside, and sleepy gratitude settle in.

I could get used to this. Please.

I want...

2009-02-12T14:58:00.000-08:00

The other day, on the way home, Eli spotted Lion's Choice, home of the .14 ice cream cone.

"I wanna ice cream cone!" came the demand from the backseat.

Uh, uh. Not that I was planning on getting him an ice cream cone, but that kind of ask certainly wasn't going to move the decision in his favor.

"Eli, we're not getting an ice cream cone today," I said calmly.
"But I WANT an ice cream!"
"I know you do. But we're not getting one today."

The light is red, so we're stuck here, his window facing Lion's Choice. I wondered if I should explain to him that part of the reason I was saying no is because of the way he asked. But he seemed grumpy, and I was pretty sure it would land on deaf ears.

"But I WANT to have an ice cream!" he demanded in a louder voice.

Oh boy, here we go. There is a melt-down in his near future. How can I explain to him that we don't always get the things we want? When we he understand the concept that "wanting" does not equal "having"?

Then, an idea. In a slightly whiney, demanding voice, I said, "I want a GIANT stuffed teddy bear!"

He looked surprised, paused, and explained in a matter of fact tone, "But they don't have teddy bears there."

"But I WANT a giant teddy bear!"
"But mama, they don't HAVE giant teddy bears at Lion's Choice. You could get an ice cream there, or a hot dog, or a chocolate milk."
"But I WANT a GIANT stuffed teddy bear!"
"They don't have them there mama," he said with slight frustration.
"But I WANT a giant teddy bear!"

He was quiet, and I could tell he was thinking it over. Then in reassuring voice, he said, ""Okay Mama, we could just talk about it later."

The light turned green, and I enjoyed a silent 5 minute ride home.

Tubes

2009-02-04T13:17:00.001-08:00

Tubes.

Another word that has entirely new meaning for me these days. A word that brings a whole lot of hope to many parents, like us, whose little ones are plagued with ear infections. The hope of quiet, restful nights, of fewer trips to the pediatrician, of less midnight doses of Tylenol or Motrin to ease earaches and cool fevers. The frivolous luxury of sleeping through the night.

B got tubes this morning.

It made us feel better to call it a "procedure" instead of surgery, but the idea of our 14 month old "going under" general anesthetic wasn't fun. We just kept reminding ourselves that this is simple as far as surgeries go...not the heart surgery that some parents have to face.

We arrived at the hospital at 7:30 am. The original plan was for Joel and I to take B together and have friend come over to watch snoozing big brother. When E came down with a stomach virus yesterday, we thought it was best not to leave a feverish and vomiting 3 year old without mom or dad, so Joel stayed home with him while I took B for his "procedure."

The nurses and doctors were great. There was no dramatic moment of them wheeling a screaming baby away as I tearfully let go of his hand. Instead, I handed him, drowsy and sedated, to the nurse, who carried him to the operating room as the anesthesiologist wheeled the gurney behind them. I appreciate that. Within a few minutes, the Dr. came in to tell me that everything went well, and he gave me the post op instructions. Later, I heard Beckett coming down the hall, crying in confusion as he came to. And they placed him in my arms, where he gradually calmed down-it was the car keys that really did the trick. By 10:20, we were in the car, on our way home.

So, with one boy recovering from a procedure and the other a tummy bug, there is still Tylenol and Motrin to administer. It's been a long day. But I'm feeling hopeful that there is rest ahead.

A Tale of Two Shrimp

2009-01-27T18:54:00.000-08:00

I didn't thing this would turn into a tale. It started innocently enough.

7:10 p.m.
I had just finished putting Beckett to bed and headed downstairs to clean up the kitchen while Joel said prayers with Eli and tucked him in. In the bottom of the dish sat two pink shrimp and lonely slice of chicken & spinach sausage. The remains of a pasta dish. Not enough to save, but silly to throw away. So I ate them. And Joel appeared in the kitchen.

7:19 p.m.
"Hey, Eli wants you to come up and say goodnight."

After a quick rinse, I tucked the bowl into the top of the dishwasher, happily heading upstairs to leave the rest of clean-up to Joel.

Eli and I have a little routine. I lay down next to him, he scoots over, then tells me, "Mama, I made room. Get under the blanket so you will be warm." Then he wiggles his little feet under my leg and we chat for a few minutes. Then I tell him, "I love you very much, and you are my favorite Eli in the whole world, and I will see you in the morni-" which he quickly interrupts to say, "One more minute," and I say, "Okay," and we lay there quietly for a minute. I kiss him on the forehead one last time and say, "Sweet dreams buddy" as I walk to the door.

This particular night seemed now different than any other. As I lay down next to him, I could hear him sniff, and then pause. "Mama, you stink. What is that smell?"

For a moment, I was shocked. Huh? I know that 3 year olds can be painfully honest, but I couldn't place the source of offense that was causing such a strong and instant reaction. Then I remembered. The shrimp. I explained that I'd just eaten some shrimp and a piece of sausage before I came upstairs.

"But it is smelling Mama. Oh, it is AWFUL!" He was covering his nose.

I tried holding back the laughter, knowing that if he got a reaction, sleep was nowhere near.

"You ate a sausage? And a shrimp? But why did you do that?"

"Don't worry honey, it will go away," I reassured him, and then waited, letting the quiet settle back in.

"Mama, you can go downstairs now. It is smelling in here."

7:23 p.m.
Again, trying to keep the laughter contained, I told him good night and shut the door.

7:27 p.m.
Eli appeared in the family room. He knows he's not supposed to get out of bed, so he had one of those cautious little grins on his face. Joel took him back to bed.

7:32 p.m.
We heard the faint sound of a doorknob turning on the baby monitor. Then silence. Maybe he went back to bed. Minutes later, he appeared again in the living room. This time, with his bike helmet on.

"Mama, it's stuck. I can't get my helmet off."

We're holding our breath to keep the laughter in. Eli was not fooled. Joel took the helmet off, then carried him back to bed.

7:43 p.m.
Eli, downstairs again, declaring that he is not tired. Joel took him back to bed, where Eli then told him, "Mama ate shrimp, and it made her mouth sick."

7:50 p.m.
He was up again. Bike helmet on, and stuck, again. It's still funny, but we decide on a more firm approach.

7:58 p.m.
Joel returns. Apparently, Eli told him that I made his room smell. We debated and discussed which approach to take with this.

8:04 p.m.
Eli's back. Suddenly, I had an idea. I told Joel that I would get this one, and we sent Eli upstairs to his bed. I brushed my teeth and swished a quick dose of Listerine. I walked into Eli's room.

"No Mama, please don't come in here."

"It's okay honey, the shrimp is all gone."

I lay next to him and could tell by his rigid body that he did not trust me one bit at first. Then he realized, the smell really was gone. His breathing slowed. He grew drowsy.

"Sweet dreams buddy."

"Good night, Mama."

8:13 p.m.
I left Eli's room, and we didn't hear from him the rest of the night.

Green

2009-01-25T20:04:00.000-08:00

The other day, Eli was coloring. I asked him if he was done.

"Yes, I'm all done. And now, I can turn it over like this (gesturing by turning his open palm from face up to face down) to reduce waste."

I was pretty sure I was hearing things.

"To what?"

"You could turn it over like this, to reduce waste,." he repeated.

"Oh. Did you learn that at school?"

"No, from Miss Rosa on PBS Kids. She says, 'When you are done, turn it over like this to reduce waste. You can learn more fun ways to reduce waste and help the environment at PBS Kids dot org. ' "

Well okay then. I guess he was listening.

105

2009-01-24T20:16:00.000-08:00

105 degrees. A very hot summer day. Fine for cooking. Not good to see on the thermometer after taking your child's temperature. Especially when he just finished 10 days of antibiotics and is 2 days into his second round. When he is already on Tylenol and ibuprofen and ear drops. He feverishly wimpered, then smiled, then cried, then laughed. He wants to be happy and content, to feel better. It's frustrating to not be able to fix things on our own.

Today, we headed back to the doctor. The ear infections are still going strong. They gave him a shot of antibiotics in each thigh, and referred us to the ENT. His fever is down. We're thankful for medical care, insurance, doctors, technology, prayer, experienced parents who've been down this road, and God who heals using any and all of these things or none of them. We're thankful that it's only ear infections and nothing more serious.

We're eager for Little B to feel better. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't craving a full night of sleep.

big sky

2009-01-05T17:28:00.000-08:00

All four of us were in the car yesterday...

E: "Did God make the sky?"
M: "Yep, he made the sky."
E: "Wow! God is really tall, huh?"
J: "He sure is."

Pause

J: "Well, that's one for the blog."

now showing

2009-01-04T19:46:00.000-08:00

I remember my mom telling me that everytime they finished landscaping their yard, they moved. And lots of similar stories from friends over the years. "We've finally got our house the way we wanted it, and now we're moving." Or, "We got our house ready to sell, and now we wonder why we didn't do this stuff earlier when we'd be here to enjoy it."

We get it. We've been primping our house for months now. It's not perfect, but we did get rid of all those "little" things that loom and linger. Baseboards are no longer scuffed, but gleaming white. That chip in wall at the base of the stairs from when Eli launched his Bobcat from the top stair, spackled and painted. The sidewalk, patched. Doors, painted. Windows, replaced. Staged, photographed and now, For Sale By Owner.

We put up the sign in November. Then we decided to replace the tragically-fake fiberglass false stone siding with white siding to match the rest of the house. So now it looks like this:

We bought an MLS listing November 17th, to allow agents to show it. Eight showings later, we got our first offer on December 23rd. This Saturday, 3 more showings, and today another "not the one" offer. But we're encouraged. And wondering if '09 will become "the year we moved."

looking ahead...

2008-12-19T19:21:00.000-08:00

Thanks for your prayers. Here's the update on Beckett's eye stuff.

Joel and I were praying about getting a 2nd opinion, especially given Beckett's age, and the 30% chance of needing additional surgeries. Within days, a friend recommended a different pediatric opthamologist she works with, and we got an appointment. The 2nd Dr. confirmed that Beckett will eventually need surgery on both eyes, but recommended we wait, since he has excellent control and his eyes are aligned over half the time. This means his vision development isn't affected by the muscle problems yet. The magic words were, "If it were my son, I'd wait."

So he might be 7 years old before he needs surgery, and even waiting a year helps the accuracy. If we notice it getting worse, we are supposed to call, otherwise we go back in 6 months.

We feel good about the decision to wait. Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers!!

the best sounds

2008-12-16T12:32:00.000-08:00

Baby sighs and snoring, delicious sleeping sounds
Morning, muffled by a ground white with snow
Eli, toy or book in hand, imagination quietly spilling stories
Beckett, da-da-ing, his mouth and heart joining in a family song
Drumsticks, drumming everywhere
Laughter, overlapping, brought by brothers tousling
Delighted, "Daddy's home!"
Thank you, unsolicited
New melodies, etched in mind, Eli humming in the hallway
Palms pat-patting wood floors, Beckett scurrying to reach, to catch, to climb
The distant swirl of a confidently flushed toilet, because "I am big now."
Jumbled recounts of a day at school.
"Oh good, you got more carrots, can I please have one now?"
Spirit whispering, notice, cherish now
these sounds.

upselling

2008-12-15T08:45:00.000-08:00

E shares a birthday with my dad. Apparantly, that's not all. He's showing signs of some master salesmanship. Here are some recent conversations about the prospect of giving up his pacifiers.

In the car...
M: "So Eli, pretty soon, you're gonna be too big to use a binkie."
E: "Yeah, but not right now. I am not too big yet. I'm big, but I'm not big enough to go in the street by myself."
M: "You won't be big enough to go in the street for a long time. But pretty soon, you'll be too big to use a binkie because you are getting really big. How about we get Lightning McQueen car when you are all done with binkie's, does that sound fun?"
E: "Yeah! And a Rusty, so I can drive Lightning McQueen into his back. I can have two things and that will be fun, right Mama?"
M: "Yes, that would be fun. But we'll just get a Lightning McQueen when you're all done using a binkie."(I'm still trying to figure out how he added Mack, who he calls Rusty, into this deal, but I'm not giving in, yet.)
E: "Yeah, and a Rusty, because I will be big soon. Not today, but how about on Thursday? Then we can go to the toy store and get two things. And I will put Lightning in his back, and he will drive up. Rusty's pretty fun, huh Mama?"
M: "Yes, Rusty is fun. We'll see."

I think they call this an assumptive close. And of course, he's prompting me with a nodding head and agreeable smile. Have they added some sort of sales training to his pre-school curriculum? Tucked in between Scissors 101, Intro to Fingerpainting, Snacks & Other Culinary Delights, is there a "Toys: How to Sweeten the Deal" class they didn't tell us about?

Later, when Joel came home from work,

E: "Daddy, soon I will be so big and I will not use a binkie and I will get Lightning and Rusty, and Lightning will ride up in his bag! That's pretty cool, huh?"
D: "Yep, that's pretty cool."

And still later:
E: "I think I need a snack. Can I have some hot chocolate? That will make my tummy bigger. And when my tummy gets bigger, I will get bigger and grow up and not use a binkie anymore! Does that sound like a good idea, Mama?"

Geesh, how do you say "no" to this kid?

P.S. Eli has gone two nights without a binkie! We gave him a "Lego" version of the racecar and truck that I was going to give him for Christmas. It's a set. So technically, I didn't buy both. Right? He's been playing with them ever since, and of course, slept with the Lightning McQueen. We didn't mind, since it's alot easier to find than a pacifier at 2:00 am in a dark room. This process of giving up the pacifier has been a lot easier on everyone than we expected.

rolecall

2008-12-13T06:20:00.001-08:00

Eli's imagination is really taking off. Throughout the day, he is assigning our family roles to act out parts of stories, movies, or books-

You be the mouse and I'll be the cooker (think Ratatouille)...
I'll be Saggy Baggy and you be the Tiger...
I'll be the Man with the Yellow Hat and you be Curious George...
You be Eli and I'll be Daddy...
You be the waterfall and I'll be the baby jaguar (think Diego)...
I'll be the man at Starbucks, and you be Mama... (He usually asks me if I want to order a "carbel bachio", a.k.a. Carmel Macchiato.)

And the real laughs come when he starts combining things for his own unique story-

You be the race car and I'll be polar bear, okay?
I'll Dr. Spewak, and you be Curious George.
You be Superwhy and I'll be Lightning Baqueen.
You be the fireman and put out the fire, and I'll be the dinosaur with super sharp teeth and I'll bite your head off!
I'll be Curious George and Beckett will be Mater. (Being Curious George requires some acting skills. Inflection, gestures, and expressions carry most of the weight in the dialogue when your vocabulary consists of "Ooh, Ooh, Ahh, and Oh.")

The director is calling...

it beats ironing anyday

2008-12-12T12:44:00.000-08:00

There are some charming things about an old house. Crystal doorknobs, lots of wood, stained glass windows, and this-

an old ironing board closet. It made a great home for Christmas cards last year.

Which was great, but it's not exactly a look that changes with the seasons. And there isn't room for an ironing board to fold out since our updated kitchen includes a center island. And, really I never iron. Ever. I have pulled out the iron maybe three times this entire year, and once was to make a tin-man T-shirt for a little boy's birthday, so that really doesn't count, since it didn't include removing wrinkles from anything, which is the whole point of ironing, right?

Then several months ago, I bought this chalkboard paint and these chalk-ink markers, and gave it a little facelift, with a much-needed coat of white paint on the inside too.

The best part is there's no messing it up, since it wipes off with water. Maybe it'll be home for some fun vintage aprons (maybe I'll wear one now that I'm cooking again?) or storage space for spices. I can see becoming addicted to this stuff- fun for a kitchen cabinet, a playroom wall, an area above a desk with some great ornate garage sale frame surrounding it...

optimism

2008-12-11T13:25:00.000-08:00

We got our first snow on the first of December. It wasn't much, but E saw the white stuff and declared, "Daddy, we can build a SNOWMAN!!" It was also a perfect occasion to wear these boots, not that he needs an occasion, since he's been known to sleep in them...

So, when he began his "yeah-it-snowed-so-we-can-build-a-snowman-just-like-Charlie Brown- and-use-a-carrot-for-his-nose" campaign, I was trying to think of a way to explain to him that there wasn't enough snow to build a snowman.

Then I heard J say, "Sure buddy, we can build a snowman. "

Huh? How? This sounds complicated, cold, and disappointing. I pictured us rolling little snowballs across our neighbors yards, down the street, just trying to gather enough snow for a decent sized body. "I think I'll just go inside with Beckett, since he has a cold, and let you two bigger boys have fun with this," I declared. But I doubted how much fun it would really be. They got to work.

Ten minutes later, E came in for a carrot, and I heard his little boots thumping enthusiastically back to the front door. A few more minutes, and he proudly announced that they were all done, and I should come see their snowman.

There he was- Frosty, Jr.

It didn't matter that he was eight inches tall. He did, after all, have a carrot nose, at least one eye, and two perfectly wonderful stick arms. Daddy was brilliant. E was thrilled. He placed our "pet" snowman safely on the porch steps.

Eli learned how to build a snowman. Mama learned an even better lesson that day.

Encore

2008-12-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

Okay, week one of "knowing-what-i'm-fixing-for-dinner-before-five-and-shopping-accordingly" went well. Of course, it saves money on the grocery bill. Of course, it's less stressful during the week. Of course, it prevents sending Joel to the store last minute for a must have ingredient that I just realized we're out of half way through the recipe. And of course, this is still gonna take some getting used to before it's routine around here.

A few tweaks though. We had too many leftovers. There's still some pasta primavera aging in the fridge, and I hate that it will go to waste. So, I'll try sending food w/J for lunch this week, freezing half the recipe, or eat leftovers and skip a night of cooking. I mean, tear myself away from the kitchen for night while protesting loudly. Ha.

I like this idea from simplemom.com. It helps to have a starting place...

Mondays: Mexican
Tuesdays: Pasta
Wednesdays: Asian/Stir-Fry
Thursdays: Crock Pot
Fridays: Homemade Pizza and Dessert
Saturdays: Something New
Sundays: Something Easy

So, here we go with Week 2

#1 White Chicken Chili, Cornbread
#2 Beef Stroganoff, Green Beans
#3 Lemon Chicken Stir Fry & Rice
#4 BLT's & Minestrone Soup
#5 Calzones & Salad (This will be fun to include E when we assemble them)

Off to the store.

very funny

2008-12-08T09:05:00.000-08:00

I wake up to the sound of J laughing at least once a month. He doesn't usually remember his dreams, but he does dream, and sometimes, they are apparantly very funny. Even when he tells me about it right away, it's never as funny in the waking hours as it was in the slumber. But it's fun to hear the stories.

So, I woke up the other day with this witty little compliment running through my head. I don't remember what smelled good in my dream, but I said to someone,

"You put the ole'! in Olefactory."

I am such a nerd.

Surgery of the eye and heart

2008-12-03T07:36:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was a big day.

I took Beckett to a pediatric eye doctor and found out that the lazy-eye we've been noticing intermittently is really there, and thankfully, very treatable. I went to the appointment with mixed feelings. Thankful that we live in a large city that has such amazing health care for children (there were patients in his office that drove 4 hours to get to this specialist!), thankful that we noticed this early, and dreading the thought of eye-patches and exercises and glasses on a toddler.

I was a little surprised at the diagnosis and treatment.

He needs eye surgery. Ugh.

The doctor reassured me that we caught this while he was young, so he may never need additional treatment. And he does 200-300 of these procedures a year. That's good to know. He also empathized- no parent wants to have their child operated on. So, we're still getting used to the idea here, and I'm trying to picture letting people I barely know wheel our little boy back into an operating room. I've already begun praying for God to use the docs gifted hands to successfully perform this operation, that there would be no complications (not even gonna go there), and that we would only have to do this one time (1 in 4 need additional surgeries.) I'm thankful that the treatment plan was so clear. It would be tough to have to decide between this and other options. He said there was no immediate rush, to get in done in the next month.

We're scheduled for January 28th, unless they have a cancellation and can get him in sooner.

Now, about the heart surgery.

Eli got his first spanking yesterday. It's something we've been praying about for a few months now. Joel and I both had reservations about spanking our kids, and for the first 2 years, it didn't seem we would even need to, so we gratefully tabled the discussion. Mostly, our fear was about our ability to do it appropriately, especially given Joel and my childhood experiences. It felt like opening Pandora's Box. We've read book, prayed for wisdom, talk to more experienced parents...and waited.

Lately, it's been clear that other forms of discipline, positive reinforcement, time-outs, etc. were just not making the impact they needed too. Thankfully, at the same time, we have been getting a better grasp on what it would look like to use "spanking" in a responsible way.

Last night, some dinner issues blossomed into blatant defiance and disrespect. Joel and I agreed that this what the kind of thing that probably warranted some more serious discipline. Joel calmly took Eli upstairs, explained what would happen, and gave Eli his first spanking.

Heart surgery. Ugh.

Eli's tears were quick, loud, and just as quickly gone. They hugged and prayed together, and when he returned to the table his heart was humble and he was respectful. Joel's tears were quiet, and lasted much longer than Eli's.

It's a tough thing, to watch your child hurt, even if it's for a greater good.

A little closer to the dream

2008-12-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

I know that healthy households thrive on routines. I have some wonderful friends that effortlessely breathe organization into everything they touch. They put everything back in it's rightful place (easier when everything actually has a rightful place), are efficient with their time, scheduled and disciplined with their activities. And it just seems to be second nature.

I'm a tad envious. Maybe more than a tad. I am not one of those people. Often, I am okay with that. I like the fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants-figure-it-out-as-I-go-pretend-I'm-MacGyver part of my personality. But I've noticed that having a family, and a husband with a doesn't-fit-in-the-box job, means that I am often wishing for the benefits of a more disciplined, organized lifestyle.

When it was just Joel and I, we were fine the ability to look in the refrigerator at 5:00 p.m. and come up with a nutritious, decent tasting home cooked meal by 5:45. I'm extra blessed because this man knows how to cook! So we just did the tag teamed thing since we were both working. But our family has grown, I am home with the boys, our lives are more hectic, and there are too many variable in the day for it to be successful. Beckett wants to be held, Eli wants a snack, something came up for Joel at work, I didn't make it to the store all weekend, etc.

So, I'm trying to learn a thing or two from the experts. It's hard to quiet the voice in my head telling me about what I "should" be able to do. The magazine articles, web site, and blogs of these dreamy women that eat only organic, feed a family of four on $250 a month, prepare a month of meals in advance, all while home-schooling their 5 children, training for marathons, inspired & loved by a big and personal God, humorously & romatically loving their husband, warmly & creatively decorating their home, and selling their handmade creations on Etsy...you catch my drift. Somehow I feel zero pressure when Faith Hill sports a bikini on the cover of a magazine at the age of 41. It's this other stuff that really has me inspired, overwhelmed, and then sometimes discouraged.

Yes, God could do something supernatural, and in that case I will humbly blog about how I have it all together. (ha!) In the meantime, I want to be the best mom, wife, and friend I can be, figuring out how God has equipped me to fulfill these roles. Here are my small steps for the week.

1) Be really aware and present in moments as they unfold. Especially with my family.
2) Make something more beautiful each day. And something is a broad category.
3) Have a dinner plan and fix dinner 5 nights this week.

Baby steps, right? Yep. And this is what we are having for dinner this week.

#1 Baby Back Ribs, Mashed Sweet Potatoes, Roasted Asparagus
#2 Slow Cooker Chicken and Dumplings, Salad, Acorn Squash Oven-Fries
#3 Pasta Primavera, Italian Rolls
#4 Lasagna, Baby Carrots w/Butter Dill sauce, Salad
#5 Maple-glazed Salmon, Curry rice w/cranberries and pecans, Edemame
#6 Tamale Pie
#7 Sunday...time for leftovers or Pizza

Have any quick healthy dinners you want to pass along? Oh, and here's a cool site that already has me inspired to start working on next week's menu. And maybe I'll get to the gym too.

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

real quick

2008-12-01T12:43:00.000-08:00

In my dreams, I am organized, efficient, and decisive. And fast. If you know one thing about me, it is probably that just about the only thing I can do quickly is talk. Other than that, I have 4 speeds. Slow, slower, at rest, and ticked-off fast. I don't get mad very often, which means I am mostly, well, slow. I can function at at slightly faster pace, as long as it is the only thing I am concentrating on.

For example, my attempt at a quick shower.

"Ooh, I only have 10 minutes before Joel leaves for work. Now's my chance for a shower. Gotta make it quick. Hurry, start the water. Quick, get in, no time for eye brow grooming or checking for any new skin issues. No time for weighing in. Get in, get out. Is the water warm yet? Ok, getting in. Hurry, wet hair, apply soap lather, rinse. Rinse. Ahh, warm water. Rinsing a little more. Just standing here, with my eyes closed...thinking about the day ahead. Hmmm, maybe this should be a tad warmer. Ahh, that's much better. In just a minute, I'll wash my face. Just need to stand here in the tropical paradise for a few more seconds. Then, I'll move." 10 minutes later, with the bathroom steaming, I emerge, in awe again of the time warp I just encountered, again.

The same thing happens with my attempt to "quickly" check my email, run to the grocery store, or worse, Target, get a snack, run back into the house for something I forgot, call a friend.

Surely, there are some redeeming qualities to this personality trait?

Think I'll reflect on that during tomorrow morning's shower.

not on the bandwagon

2008-11-28T10:18:00.000-08:00

We had a great Thanksgiving. Last year, I went to the hospital to deliver Beckett on a unusually warm fall day. During my three days in the hospital, we celebrated our new baby, Thanksgiving happened, I ate one-and-a half pecan pies, and winter arrived. So it felt like I kind of skipped the holiday and headed straight for Christmas. Not that I minded, really. Anyway, this Thanksgiving was a bit more traditional, complete with wonderful friends, yummy food, and some family football.

And I forgot all about Black Friday until some friends mentioned it that evening.

I am not a fan of the early morning. Or lines. Or shopping. (Would I like shopping if it didn't make me feel guilty? Hmm) So I love a good deal, but not enough to wake up at 5:00 in the morning and go, well, anywhere. Maybe someday, when I sleep through the night whenever I want, I'll join the rest of the world and stimulate our economy with some serious Black Friday spending.

But not this year. This year, I woke up and made banana bread. And then, a new recipe that turned into a yummy-I-didn't-have-enough-pumpkin-on-Thanksgiving breakfast . I made some syrup to go on top- combination of some stuff I found on allrecipes.com. Some apple juice, pumpkin, karo syrup, brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg...and who knows what else. This was another one of those creations that drives Joel crazy. I didn't follow a recipe, which means I'm not entirely sure I can make it again. We have a few pasta dishes he loved that I am still trying to recreate...

fading...

2008-11-15T13:25:00.000-08:00

I'm so behind now on blogging. This is when it's tempting to wave the white flag. Or something less decisive, like just quietly fading, fading, fading...until blogging becomes something I used to do. A phase.

It's okay to have month long gaps in posting, right? Because this is for me, mostly. And I don't have to be so all or nothing about it. I can wander right back into writing about all the wonderful, ordinary, delightful, frustrating things going on in our life.

Things don't just fade away. They can fade in too.

Yellow

2008-10-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

This is the first year Eli had his own idea of what he wanted to be for Halloween- "the man with the yellow hat". I thought it was a great. Not scary, unique, and a great invitation for a cute little Curious George outfitted Beckett. I loved the idea of making his costume, which is good since I'm pretty sure this is not offered in the off-the-rack options at Target.

"I'll just buy some white sweatpants and a shirt to dye yellow," I thought. That sounded simple enough. Maybe if I started looking in spring, but I soon discovered that October is not a good month for white. Walmart, Target, Old Navy, Goodwill- no one had white sweats or jeans. I finally found some used size 10 girls jeans at Kangaroo Kids, and a shirt from the boys school uniform section at Target.

So, here's the outfit after a dip in the yellow fabric dye from Walmart. I'm still working on the hat. The felt is kind of hard to work with, and I really have no idea what I'm doing. But Eli was thrilled and couldn't wait to wear it, which is the whole point really. I had no idea how fun it would be to indulge his imagination and do these little things for him.

Good times.

Smile

2008-10-20T10:51:00.000-07:00

His smile...it gets me every time.

eee-iiii

2008-09-24T18:32:00.000-07:00

Since the day we found out that Team Lindsey would include three of the male variety, we have prayed for the boys to be close. So far, so good.

Every morning, as Beckett wakes up (in our bed, yes, which is another post for another day) rolls over and pats Daddy on the back, he says, "Da-da...Da-da...Da-da." On the rare occasion that it doesn't wake J up, Beckett rolls back over to my side and pulls my hair, or sticks his fingers up my nose, depending on which way I'm facing. Nice, huh? At first, I thought this finger- up-the-nose-pinching move was an accident courtesy of his uncoordinated little fingers, but he does it pretty consistently, and uses the same maneuver on J if he happens to be facing him. Apparantly, he's very practical. Of course it gets us up, because, ouch, little fingers and little fingernails are quite a startling and effective way to wake up drowsy parents.

Once he has successfully gotten our attention, he puts in his request for the person he really wants to see. Or maybe he just notices that one family member is missing from this morning snuggle time. "Eee-I.....Eee-I....E-I.....Eeeee-IIII."

He is saying Eli. He says it alot. We thought it was a fluke, because 9 months is on the young side for talking. But it's not a fluke. He repeats it immediately after J calls for Eli. He says it when Eli walks out of the room. He says it as a scoots on his belly across the hardwood floors, looking for Eli. He says it with a giant grin when Eli walks back into the room. He says it in his high chair while he watches Eli eat.

Call it wishful thinking, but we're taking it as a sign of some answered prayers. These boys will be friends. Best of friends. And brothers.

Four

2008-09-05T18:49:00.000-07:00

We met

casually in 1997 at Princeton, NJ

maybe in 1999 but I can't really remember

grateful and sobered in 2001, a wedding in California

cautious and intrigued summer of 2002, emails from Georgia to Missouri and back again

curious and butterflied and ice cream in hand, fall of 2002

with his car full and dreams for a future, fall of 2003

with a ring and a question, winter of 2004

at the alter

four years ago

today.

And now there are four.

And now there are Four.

a late night question

2008-09-02T13:31:00.001-07:00

So, last night, kids asleep, dishes done, house quiet, I was craving a little snack. Cookies in hand, I wondered...

Does the organic 1% milk cancel out the 6 Oreos?

Hmm...

Three

2008-08-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

Here are the pics from E's big 0-3. We headed out west to The Maples for a true "boy" birthday. Pony rides? Nope. The Maples and their neighbor generously provided a real live Bobcat, and it was a huge hit. The kids had a blast riding it and he loved his construction site cake. We had a great time celebrating three wonderful years.

what's up doc

2008-08-21T08:01:00.000-07:00

Lately, E has been walking around the house with a carrot in his hand. Not the baby carrots, the big ones "like a snowman nose." He eats several a day. Or should I say he eats most of several carrots a day. Because I've been finding dried up carrots nubs around the house- on the couch or desk or on the floor in his room. Yuck. I know, I shouldn't let him walk around the house and eat, but it's a little hard to get super strict about it because, well it's a carrot. And I can hardly believe that I have uttered the phrase, "If you keep whining, then you don't get to have a carrot."

giving rocks and other generous acts

2008-08-20T18:38:00.000-07:00

Every few weeks, Joel comes home from church with a crisp dollar bill, or a gold dollar especially for Eli. Mr. Lew is the benefactor, known at our church for many things. A deep love for and trust in God. A wonderful marriage to a remarkable woman named Barb. A ready smile and eyes that beam with kindness and compassion. An enthusiasm for life and people and change, inspiring our community that 70+ years of those things do not need to bring cynicism or callousness. And, he is known for his quirky practice of randomly handing money to people. He will walk up to someone that played the piano at a service, hand him $3, and thank him for tickling the ivories. Or give Joel $1 for Eli. Except I am sure it is not random. I suspect he actually prays about this. I think there's a reason for it, that he would do it even if he wasn't sure what the reason was other than feeling an inner prompting to do it. We've started explaining to Eli where these dollars are coming from, and I actually bought a piggy bank the other week at Target just to keep these little gifts and he loves to "plink" the coins in.

So, I came home the other morning to Joel and Eli "working" in the back yard. We've been doing some landscaping, and have lots of rock down for a patio we've putting together. Eli held his hand out as he walked toward me, saying "Hey mama, I'm Mr. Lew. Here are some monies for you. They are for your piggy bank. You can put them in." He opened up his hand, and in his palm were 4 little rocks. I thanked him of course, and put them in my pocket. He told me that they are also good for throwing in fountains (we toss pennies in at the mall.) Joel laughed as he told me that Eli had been pretending that he was Mr. Lew all morning, handing him rocks for his piggy bank.

Eli had been very busy that morning with some other work too. He watched Joel use the tamper to stamp down and compact the rocks, and said, "I'll be right back Daddy, I have to get somethin'." He went in the house, and returned a few minutes later with the toilet plunger so he could help.

No, I'm not surprised that he's watching so carefully. I'm not surprised that he is copying everything he sees. I hope and pray I'll be responsible to teach him the lessons these moments and people offer. And I want to remember with a smile that he was in our back yard with a toilet plunger, earnestly helping his dad.

so they say

2008-08-08T07:37:00.000-07:00

One morning last week, with the forecast for the day of upper 90's, E was standing in front of his wardrobe, picking out a shirt to wear. He wanted to wear "the guitar one" with long sleeves.

"No, let's pick a different one, that one's too hot," Daddy said.

E picked two more long sleeve shirts, which we also told him were too hot, and explained that any of the ones with short sleeves would be nice and cool.

We didn't think any more about it until he woke up the next morning, pointed to his closet and declared in an earnest, excited voice, "Da-ddy! The shirts are not hot anymore! They cooled off!"

clip, clip

2008-08-08T07:29:00.000-07:00

I was clipping E's finger nails the other night while Daddy read bedtime stories. I finished one hand, and said, "Ok bud, let's do the other hand."

He yanked his hand away quickly and said, "Oh no, no, no Mama. Not my hand. You can just do this part, " and pointed to his fingertip.

I reasurred him that I would only clip his nails. We laugh at E's intensity sometimes. But really, it must be stressful to be only two and faced with the formidable task of thwarting grown-up attempts to clip off your entire hand.

$9.47

2008-08-04T21:02:00.000-07:00

There is a serious threat to our family budget just minutes from our house. I can't really describe why it draws me in several times a week, or why I enjoy going there so much, but I do know it's exactly what the marketing folks at Target are working so hard to achieve. Draw her in for trash bags and hypnotize her, make her stay.

Getting out of Target for under $30 requires serious and constant focus. Walk past the dollar aisle, look away from the happy shirts and shorts, linger not at the clearance end-cap, walk around the children's clothing section, and so on.

Since I don't want to justify a Target category in our budget, I recently started limiting myself to a once a week fix, um, I mean shopping trip. No more recreational Targeting. I will go with a list, and I will follow it. Mostly. But getting out for under $10? I consider that a huge accomplishment. It may never happen again, but at least I can say I did it once. July 22, 2008. 4:44 PM.

grins

2008-08-04T14:58:00.000-07:00

Eight months. Already. He smiles. Almost all the time. His grin seems to grow and grow until it's saying, "Hey that was great, do it again! And again!" It crinkles his eyes, makes his toes wiggle and feet turn in gleeful little circles. He has spells of sweet laughter and wild squeals, usually involving some sort of antic or attention from Eli, who has accurately nicknamed him the "saucy parrot". He is happy and content as long as there is someone in the room with him. He reaches eagerly, sometimes lunging out of our arms as if he could fly over to the person or thing he wanted. It's simply joy to watch him grow and learn more about who he is and will become.

faux hawk

2008-08-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

Rats!

2008-07-10T13:29:00.000-07:00

What's the first movie you ever saw in a theater? Exactly. I have no idea either. I remember E.T. and Star Wars, but I'm pretty sure those weren't the first. Technically, Eli's first movie was The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. But he was only a two months old, and spent the entire time sleeping or nursing.

We decided to try another movie while Wehrenberg runs its Summer Family Movie Series since its free. I figured he would make it through 20 minutes, and then we could leave and I wouldn't feel guilty about wasting $20. But he loved it. He watched the whole thing. Snacking on colored goldfish, sipping apple juice, and trying not to let the seat fold up on his 28 pound self. Our neighbors joined us for the adventure. Owen had a great time. Beckett sat, and then slept, content in his car seat. Owen's mom and I shared a few tears at the end, as Charlotte breathed her last breath (spiders do breathe, right?), the credits rolled, and we soaked in the moment that our boys had watched, and enjoyed, their very first movie.

I wondered what Eli would remember of the movie, and what parts he would re-tell to Joel. He loved to see the eggs hatch and baby geese come out. And it soon became clear that he had a favorite character. The innocent, friendly pig? Nope. The gentle, wise spider? Nope. The spunky, rebellious, messy rat? Yep, that would be it. He's been climbing up the couch, jumping into the cushions, and rolling around with his feet up, saying, "Looook, Mama, I'm Templeton!" You just never know what will make an impression. Rats!

Independence Day

2008-07-08T14:44:00.000-07:00

Guess what we're celebrating? Independence Day. I know the official holiday has come and gone. But we're celebrating in the Lindsey household because it was the first official day of potty-training, and we did it. I'm fine with adding the "we" in there, even though it is Eli who actually does the pottying. There's enough teaching, prayer, and patience on the parent side of it to make it an accomplishment for the whole family.
We kind of worked in lots of elements that Eli is interested in. He's very practical, so I told him when he woke up that we were out of diapers. "That's okay Mama, you can just go to Target and get some more." Okay, really practical. He was outside swimming in his little pool when I told him that I need him to water some plants with his potty. He did. Twice. That's when I knew he had a decent handle on his bodily functions. So, on the 4th, he was standing in front of the toilet, and I'm trying to get him to pee. "Eli, go potty just like you did when you watered the plants." "I can't Mama." I picked a leaf off of some plants on the window sill, dropped it in the toilet, and told him that the leaf needed some water. (I was hoping he wouldn't get too practical again and tell me it was already in water.) Presto! He peed. And he was off to a great start, collecting truck stickers, peeing and pooping his way toward golf clubs "like Tiger has" and a fishing pole, "like George does". As in Curious George.

So Eli is happily strutting around, declaring to friends and strangers alike "I am big now! I wear big boy underwear," swinging his new (plastic) golf clubs and catching (plastic) fish with his (plastic) fishing pole. We have plenty of birthdays to upgrade to the real thing if he's still interested. Diaper free birthdays.

Dear Aunt Jenn

2008-06-13T21:27:00.001-07:00

Aunt Jenn,

We hope you like the card we made for you. Beckett's picture is pretty cute, so we put that in the package too. Mama and Daddy tell us we're handsome all the time, so if you happen to disagree, take it up with them!

We sure miss you, but we understand that you have to be in Savannah for Cloe...wait...Cloe's a cat?!? You're in Savannah because of a cat? What's that cat got on us? You've got some explaining to do. Remember how cute we are? How stunning our eyes, how breathtaking our smiles? So what if Cloe can go to the bathroom by herself; Eli's up to 1 out of 5 in that category, which Daddy says is a "vast improvement."

Anyway, we're still here doing our thing in the STL. Come see us anytime. Oh, and tell Cloe to sleep with one eye open. We know some cats down there.

Love Your Human Nephews,
Eli & Beckett

a happy twenty

2008-06-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

I love leftovers. Thankfully, so does my hubby.

I do not like, however, the precariously stacked assortment of bowls that end up in our fridge to hold all the leftovers. Not to mention, the fact that all the cereal bowls are sitting in there when I actually want to use one to eat cereal. And they're white, which means I forget what's in there and we end up with the occasional science experiment of unrecognizable food. And I'm tired of all the Saranwrap.

I've tried the Gladware and stuff, but it just doesn't feel healthy to heat our food in plastic. I don't want to store it in one dish, then heat it in another. So, I happily spent twenty dollars the other day on three of these little dishes. Clear. Glass. Sturdy. Stackable. With lids. Ready for the microwave, freezer, and oven.-ready.

Didn't our grandparents use these? Now I know why...

fun with Audrey

2008-06-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we went to the botanical gardens. It's free on Wednesdays, and they have a great kids area. Eli and Audrey had lots of fun. Yummy watermelon...

and some serious xylophone action here...

Spikey Do

2008-06-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

Just a cute shot of Beckett from a month ago. His hair has been growing in a strip along the top of his head, which makes for a great faux-hawk. Or, as Eli and Daddy call it, a spikey do.

the good book

2008-06-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

I've spent an hour or two at Barnes & Noble and Borders trying to find a good Bible for Eli. One that he could understand, one that didn't oversimplify but still communicated the point of the stories. Ideally, one that was good for toddlers and kids and parents. And one with pictures that would engage him- some of them have some seriously dry illustrations!

And then, some friends recommended this. We love it. It's beautiful, wise, humorous, tender and most important, accurately captures the heart of the stories. We'll be enjoying it for years.

Banana Moon

2008-06-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

We walked to Murdoch Perk the other night for dinner. On the way home, Eli said, "Look, I'm racing the moon! Do you want to race with me?"

Off he went, down the sidewalk, left arm straight and swinging as he ran. He looked up and to the left, where the crescent moon was sitting in the blue evening sky.

"I'm racing the banana moon!"

Another one of those parenting moments I want to remember forever.

more pix of Paso

2008-06-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

good moo-ning
a foal in the shade

just hanging out

snuggles.... kisses
flowers...
the neighbors

that place

2008-06-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

You know those homes, those places that just ooze- "Please, relax and make yourself at home. Help yourself to anything in the fridge, curl up on the couch, whatever, really, we don't mind."

My Uncle Jim and Aunt Ceressa's home is one of those places. We had never been there before. In fact, we hadn't seen them since our wedding. That's not one, but two kids ago! A lot has changed in four years, but alot has stayed the same. My uncle is still building. Their kids, my cousins, Andrew and Julianna are much bigger now. Hovering on the brink of teenage years. But so kind and patient and friendly, especially, and this meant the world to us, to our kids.

Eli was absolutely in love with both of them. He wanted to jump off the diving board like them, ride the dirtbike like them, eat cereal like them, ride a skateboard like them, play basketball like them...you get the idea.

I just soaked up the space. It was everywhere. They live on 50 acres, and there is just lots of beautiful scenic space. Rolling hills, sprawling vineyards, lazy blue skies, twisting turning oak trees, cows, horses, big estates that almost look like normal sized homes against all the open space. It was hot and sunny and we loved it.

Aunt Ceress had a huge pile of toys ready for Eli when we got there.

Eli loved running around.

Joel said it best, that it just felt like family. We ate, hung out at the house, talked, read, saw the town, spent an afternoon at the beach, saw San Luis Obispo, and got a tour of the area. It was great to visit with them, and we were so thankful for the days we got to spend there.

IN-N-OUT

2008-06-01T15:10:00.000-07:00

On Thursday we headed to Paso Robles to visit more family. We were looking forward to a stop in Salinas for the much loved IN-N-OUT burgers. Yum!

Beckett really wanted my milkshake, or at least the straw.

He had some issues, and I was too busy trying to take a picture of him to notice that he was busy gagging on the straw. Until I saw the women at the table across from us looking kind of panicked- they were speaking Spanish, but it sounded urgent. Then I noticed. Oops!
Eli made good use of his straws while we waited for our food. He really concentrates when he does this. Notice the flared nostrils.

Ta-Da!!! There's that big finish.

And here come the burgers. Drum roll please...

the days flew by...

2008-06-01T15:02:00.000-07:00

Moments at a time. Walking on the curb at the marine lab...

Eating breakfast together on the bench at their great big table...
Playing and cooking in the little house, which also doubled as a Starbucks and "ice cream store".

Aiden is all boy, and taught Eli how to play golf, turn almost anything into a sword, and be an animal rescuer. Emerson was all about Beckett. She wanted to help change diapers, bathe, feed, hold, comfort, and snuggle. It was cute, and great practice for Aiden and Eme's little sister, due in a few weeks.

The day we left, Aiden and Emerson left for school and Eli cried, saying he wanted to go to school too. He didn't know about the treat we had in store for him. A much loved CA treat...

a lizard on a leash...

2008-05-29T15:27:00.000-07:00

I don't think most people are too aware of time zones. I don't even pay attention when I hear "7 central" listed as a tv show time. But having family in CA and GA makes us more aware that one is two hours behind, the other one ahead. Which just means we pay attention to the time when we call.

Beckett, on the other hand, doesn't know or care about time zones. Which is why he woke up Tuesday morning at 4:30 a.m. Pacific Time, because it was, after all, 6:30 a.m. in St. Louis thank you very much.

Despite the early start, it was a great day. The cousins hit it off immediately. Emerson and Eli "cooked" in her kitchen, Aiden and Eli golfed and threw balls in the yard. I ate my weight in olive tapinade and sourdough bread.

Later that afternoon, my mom arrived. Aiden and Eme call her "Chicken Grammy" because, well, because she had chickens. The other Grandma is, quite logically, "Pool Grammy". Beckett met Grammy, and eventually we all walked to the playgroud and the beach.

There, we ran into a man who had a lizard on a leash. Yep. Apparantly, even though lizards are lightning quick, you can catch them by making a slipknot on the end of a long piece of grass. They don't care about grass touching them, so they let you place the circle around their neck, and their movement tightens it just enough to keep them on the end of the leash. And that's how you catch a lizard.

The kids were fascinated, and "hiked" to follow the man and his kids. Then we checked out the waves, but it was pretty windy by then, so it was a quick look.

one cool lab

2008-05-29T14:55:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, we headed to Seymour Discovery Center . The kids got to touch starfish and seaweed and other sea creatures. Aiden, my nephew, loves animals and Diego, so he came in full "animal rescue" gear.

I learned that abilone, which I love, are actually giant snails. Uh, yuck! And that there are giant pockets of trash in the ocean. The Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch is the size of Texas. How have I not heard of this until now?

Anyway, here are some pics...

Trains and Planes

2008-05-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

Eli was so excited to go to California. Though I couldn't tell you why. He can't remember his last trip there- he was 10 months old. I told him about it two weeks before our departure date. Big mistake. He woke up from nap time and said, "NOW we get to go to California, yeah!!!" I told him not yet, so the next morning he woke up, same thing. CA bound. So I dropped it.

We told him Sunday night that when he got up in the morning, we would get on a train and go to the airport, and then we would get on an airplane. He was thrilled. And we were praying that the train and plane would it all go smoothly.

I wish we had pictures of the adventure that morning. We don't, because I didn't have a free pinkie finger. We got to the Metro Station and saw the sign "No Parking Overnight". Uh Oh. Too late to change plans though. We hid the keys, Joel took a picture of our parking spot with his phone, and sent it to a co-worker who saved the day and arranged to pick up our car. Meanwhile, we got on the train. With our 2 year old, 6 month old, two car seats, 2 suitcases, diaper bag, computer bag, toy bag, and a stroller. And then we had to get off to change trains. Ugh. Those doors don't stay open long, and it was one part comedy and one part nightmare to try to get all our luggage off AND not leave a child on the train bound for East St. Louis.

We made it to the airport about 2 hours to spare. Another way that Joel and I differ, and truthfully, another way he is making my life less stressful. We had time for some Starbucks, diaper changes, and run around the airport time to burn off some Eli energy.

Eli was still super excited to get on the plane. When it was time to board, he handed the agent his own boarding pass, then ran to the end of the ramp, where we ditched the stroller. He took one step onto the plane, saw the rows of people looking back at him, and thought, "uh, uh." He froze, turned around, and said, "Mama, I don't want to get on this airplane anymore." We eventually carried him to his seat while he protested and cried. The guy in the row behind us had a worried look on his face. I know he was wondering if this was going to be one of those flights with the screaming toddler. But Eli was fine in two minutes, and except for his fascination for kicking the seat in front of him, he was fantastic the whole flight. No significant delays, two easy boys, an easy transfer in LAX...it really could not have gone better.

We're in CA.

Unpacking

2008-05-29T13:55:00.000-07:00

It became apparent pretty early in our relationship that Joel and I have much different styles when it comes to unpacking. There were seasons in my job- a lifetime ago- when I traveled every week. When I came home, the last thing I wanted to do was touch my suitcase. That green Samsonite sat in the corner of my room, untouched, for days. I'd slowly pull things out as I needed them. Or after I'd looked everywhere else I finally remembered that they were still in the suitcase.

To Joel, it was absolutely maddening. When he comes home from a trip? It goes something like this. Sort through the mail, unload the car, use the bathroom, and unpack all of the bags. The whole affair is done about 20 minutes. And, truthfully, over the years, I've come to see his point. Why drag it out?

We've been home for over a week now from our trip to California. We enjoyed our time there, but when we finally got home we were tired. Traveling with two young kids is quite a bit of work. And then, there were those souvenir colds we brought home with us. I really just wanted to sleep for a few days. But like I said, I'm making progress, so those suitcases? Emptied the next day. Then I went grocery shopping, Joel did laundry...we slowly eased back into our routines.

But there's this camera. It's worse the my old green suitcase. It's not running shoes and pajamas and pantsuits. It's pictures of the boys and cousins and starfish and vineyards. It's funny little phrases and moments I don't want to forget about our trip.

Time to finish unpacking.

one less thing to talk about it counseling...

2008-05-08T18:00:00.000-07:00

I finally made it to get some pictures taken of the boys. I was feeling a little stressed about it since B will be 6 months on the 21st and we hadn't taken any "real" pictures yet. I don't know why it's so overwhelming for me. But I am aware of the second child syndrome and am making an effort to document B's first year.

I'm sure he'll have lots of reasons to go to counseling when he's older, but this won't be one of them. He's got pictures.

Copycat

2008-05-07T19:21:00.000-07:00

Today, in the car, driving in the rain...

Eli- "Mama, do you see the school bus?"
Me-"I do. Do you see the big truck?"
Eli-"Yes. What does it say on it?"
Me- "I think it says I have groceries in here.'"
Eli-"But do you know what the truck sounds like?"
Me- "Does it sound like 'grrrrrrrrr'? " (My best attempt at a big truck noise.)
Eli- "No, it sounds like this. Tsssssss. That's what it says when it starts going. And that's what it says when slows down and it's all done."

He's right. And apparantly, always, always observing.

if i blog about a shoe...

2008-05-06T22:05:00.000-07:00

My hubby is sick of hearing about new shoes. This is because I talked about them for days and days before I actually pulled the trigger on the purchase. And then I asked him about 20 times if he liked them. Or really liked them. Or just kind of liked them.

We were out talking to the our neighbors the other night, and Joel casually mentioned how nice the weather was. Then he mentioned it again. I think he brought it up 5 or 6 times, and the last few times, I nodded and smiled right along with the neighbors. We teased him about.

I just told him that I blogged about my shoes.

He asked if I blogged about the weather.

Today was a beautiful day, and a nice warm evening. Breezy. Exactly as spring should be.

There.

maybe i shouldn't be so excited

2008-05-06T21:45:00.001-07:00

On one hand, I have plenty of shoes. I don't really need new shoes. But I really wanted a miracle shoe. A default shoe I can wear most of the time, for most of what I do. Which is nothing special, but alot all at the same time. And I'm just not into coordinating my shoes with an outfit each day. I want a cute, comfy, well styled, no socks required, walk-to-park pushing-a-stroller, can-wear-with-a- skirt-or-pants-or a shorts shoe. See what I mean? A miracle shoe.

One REI dividend + one 20% coupon = one good candidate for miracle shoe.

This might be it.

Big Finish

2008-05-06T21:14:00.000-07:00

I think I've mentioned that Eli is in LOVE with the drums. Some of his other great loves are Bobcats, binkies, and dried mango- but I expect the drums will long outlive his affection for the latter three.

It seems he is always thinking about the drums. We catch him walking around the house or sitting in his car seat absent mindedly patting his chest, stomach, thighs, and head while making drum sound effects.

Here's a recent conversation.

"Ka-ptch! Ka-ptch! Ka-ptch! Daa-Daa Pum, Daa-Daa-Pum...Huh-tah, Hu-tah, Puh-Puh-Puh..."
"What are you singing Eli?"
"I'm playing the drums....Ka-ptch! Ka-pthc! Do you know what that is?"
"Nope. What is it?"
"That's the crash. And this is the tom. Puh-puh-puh."
"Oh, wow!"
"And here's the kick mama. Da-Pum! Da-Pum!"

The other night, I was singing to him before bed. (Someday soon he will be correcting my pitch problems...) He requested Open the Eyes of My Heart. Sometimes he sings along, sometimes he just listens.

This time, he was quietly sucking his binkie as I finished. "I want to see You....I want to see You." There was a brief pause, and the lullaby mood was broken as he spontaneously added his own drum solo. "Bum, Bum, Bum, Ka-ptch-ptch-ptch!"

I guess when you're two, lullabies need a big finish.

First Swing

2008-04-24T13:28:00.000-07:00

Spring is finally here. Here's Beckett...his first swing.

that bark

2008-03-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

I guess Beckett wants to be just like his big brother. Eli celebrated his 4 month birthday by intoducing his mama and daddy to croup. Beckett woke up at midnight last night with that familiar, awful sounding bark and dry, raspy cry. At least we knew what to do this time. Four times last night we sat in the bathroom with the hot shower steaming the whole place up. It worked. Four times, he fell asleep in my arms, and even managed a few smiles.

Croup is usually worse the second and third nights, so it stinks that we have to wait until the morning to see the doctor. Unless we feel like braving the ER. I'm praying it doesn't get that bad...

7 Eleven for the Finest in Fusion

2008-03-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

I remember laughing as the server rattled off the made up appetizers in the movie Office Space. Pizza Shooters? No thank you. But they were fake, so it was funny.

Here's some culinary fusion gone too far. It's hanging on a sign outside the 7-Eleven. "Asian Rollers and Big Gulp- $1.99" Are they serious? Is that supposed to attract customers?

I'm a nerd, so I went to their website to try link to the offer. It gets even better. Here's their new offer. Wake Up And Smell The Slurpee®! 7-Eleven® Debuts Slurpuccino™ – First Coffee-Flavored Slurpee Drink

The Slurpuccino? Really? It that supposed to bring about pleasant thoughts? Because all I can picture is some obnoxious person slurping their latte in the seat next to me at Starbucks.

The Monitor Is On

2008-03-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

Joel and I were talking about this the other day, and it stuck with me.

It's happened to both of us. One of us up in Eli's room, trying to get him ready for bed, the other is downstairs in the kitchen. It's easy to hear on the monitor that he's in a two year-old mood.

"I don't want to change my diaper."
"I don't want to take my shoes off."
"No, I can do it."
"I don't want those pajamas."
"I don't want milk, I want apple juice."

On those occasions, the monitor helps. To know the other parent is possibly listening to the dialogue and events occuring upstairs challenges us to be a little more patient, a little more firm, a little more creative, or a little more kind. It's the string tied on my finger to remind me to find every possible way of working with Eli, to not give into my own frustration, or act like a two year old myself. Maybe I shouldn't need that kind of accountability- that tangible reminder of what I should already be doing anyway. It should be enough that God is always present. But the truth it does help me be a little more aware and intentional. I guess God is using baby monitors too.

Maple Syrup

2008-03-24T17:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why, but the top of Beckett's head smells like maple syrup today. Yum!

Easter '08: 101 Degrees & Snowing

2008-03-24T14:31:00.000-07:00

This was a strange Easter. Eli still had a fever of 101, so the three of us stayed home while Joel went to church. It was freezing outside, and yes, it even snowed!

Spring, where are you???

The Truth About Cookies

2008-03-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

Can I recommend a great book for the whole family?

Eli has been "reading" his books lately. He basically has all of this books memorized. There are a few words out of place here and there, and some that he can't quite pronounce, but it's funny to see his independent streak coming through here as well. He started by saying, "No, I talk to the book." Now he says, "No, I will read it." Sometimes, he opens the book, pauses, and asks, "What does it say?" but he only lets us get a word or two out before he is talking over us, reciting the book.

This book has super illustrations and uses cookies to talk about some great concepts and life lessons. For example "Trustworthy means, if you ask me to hold your cookie until you come back, when you come back, I will still be holding your cookie." I'm sure he doesn't understand most of it, but the other day, we had to wonder.

The book really says reads: Fair means, You get a bite, I get a bite.

Eli's two year old version? Fair means, I get a bite and I get a bite.

Well, at least he's honest.

How to Shrink Your House

2008-03-19T20:58:00.000-07:00

Just in case you're wondering, the best way make your house feel half it's original size is to buy a junior drum set for your two year old. It is LOUD.

Trust me.

(Good thing it's so stinkin' cute to watch him play.)

To Be Two

2008-03-18T06:13:00.000-07:00

Last night, Eli was stalling on bed time. He wanted to listen to "hallelujah" one more time. (It's really called Before the Throne.) He wanted to brush his teeth by himself. He wanted to sit in the "big boy" seat.

Then, he stuck his fingers in his ears and declared his new discovery. "The music gets quiet." Ah, to be two.

Aunt Jenn's Bed

2008-03-17T19:11:00.000-07:00

I put away Aunt Jenn's bed tonight. She left Monday evening, but I we've all been in a bit of denial, so I left the futon all made up as if she might need it again in the next day or so. Eli came into the office and said, "Where is Aunt Jenn's bed?" I didn't think he'd notice, since it's been a "couch" for much longer than it's ever been a "bed".

We prepped Eli the day Aunt Jenn left that when he woke up from his nap, she would be on an airplane. That evening, while we were in his room, we heard a helicopter flying. I asked him, "Eli, do you hear that? What is it?" He said, "It's a helicoptor! Aunt Jenn is flying on a helicopter!!"

We were thrilled to have Aunt Jenn come for a visit last week. It all came about rather quickly, but it's a trip we've been hoping for for a long time. She met Beckett, and he offered up some of his intoxicating little smiles. She and Eli read books together, he recited some Curious George, and she got to see how much he truly enjoys the library she has sent him over his two short years. We packed in a trip to the Magic House and zoo, church, the "breakfast store", an evening with the Maples, and still had time to relax at the house.

I was just so thankful to have her here. She loves her nephews, studies their personalities, delights in them, laughs with them. She is funny, kind, creative, thoughtful and easy to be around. And there are plenty of other reasons to be thankful. I am thankful that someone from Joel's family could see his life here in St. Louis. I am thankful for the conversations he and Jenn got to have. I am thankful for the fresh perspective that comes from looking at our life through someone else's eyes- my marriage, family, community, and home are true blessings. Sometimes, it's easy for me to lose sight of those everyday blessings.

Everyone Poops

2008-03-17T18:59:00.000-07:00

There's common sense, and common knowledge- the stuff you hope most people know and agree on. Then there's this whole other category of information that you jump into when you have a baby and try to raise him or her into a semi-responsible adult. This is an example.

If you're a parent, I'm guessing you read the words "Everyone Poops" with an entirely different perspective than the rest of the world. Parents, they know this: It's a book title. It's popular. Very popular.

And we don't have this book merely to acknowledge the common knowledge that everyone poops. We want our kids to know this, and join us in idea that the toilet is the best place to, well, poop.

Potty training is on the horizon. I'm praying this will be Eli's idea soon enough, because I'd rather not make this a battle. I'd rather he just choose to join us in a little common sense.

(After nearly a month of not blogging, you were waiting for something more profound?)

Bacon and Other Random Acts of Kindness

2008-02-21T10:35:00.000-08:00

Joel brought these home from work a few days ago. They were in his box, placed there by an inspired, and anonymous, co-worker or friend. Joel is an admirer of all things bacon and apparantly, the word is out.
Hey, thanks! We feel the love.

I went to Target Monday to use those formula coupons we got in the mail before they expire. I asked the checker if she knew anyone who could use it, and she did. I'm glad it will be put to good use and feel some weird sense of accomplishment that the formula manufactures didn't hook me on their product in the process. I'm praying it was an unexpected blessing for someone. Not quite as fun as bacon, but hey...

Little Swimmy

2008-02-21T07:00:00.000-08:00

One city-living privelege is that the library is just down the street. So we visit often. (Somehow we still manage to have overdue books.) On a recent trip, the children's librarian helped us find some new books. Little Swimmy was one of them.
We were inspired. Here's Eli's creation. (I added Swimmy with black a marker.)

33

2008-02-12T13:10:00.000-08:00

Another Lindsey birthday, another trip to The Cupcakery with my three favorite boys. I got a Gold Rush, Joel got Red Velvet, and Eli got Raspberry. Of course, he really just cared about the frosting. If you have ever tasted their buttercream frosting, you'd understand. Yum!

Hmm....my last post was about ice cream. It's definitely winter! Hurry up Spring, before I run out of treats, and clothes that fit!

Doin' My Part

2008-02-05T13:43:00.000-08:00

Some time this afternoon, I need to go vote. Maybe that should inspire some intelligent writing about current issues (I even read an interesting NYT article that a friend forwarded) but I have a cause that's much more fun.

Ice Cream. Target ice cream. Archer Farms Peanut Butter Fudge ice cream, if you must know. It's heaven. You really have to try it. It tastes just like the kind you get at 31 Flavors with big chuncks of peanut butter. I just polished of the rest of the carton, and boy, is Joel gonna be bummed. Beckett, on the other hand, may be getting chocolate milk for dinner. But you probably didn't need to hear about that. My point is...ice cream has lots of calcium in it right?

I'm fighting osteoporosis, one scoop at a time. See, Eli is on board 100%.

From Snow to Spring

2008-02-04T20:44:00.000-08:00

Yesterday there were six inches of snow in our yard. Today, it was 70 and sunny, so we went to the zoo.

I'd say the fresh air was wonderful, but we were, after all, at the zoo, and the smell of elephant poop in the warm air was actually pretty disgusting. Oh well. The sun and breeze felt amazing, and we were grateful for the spring break.

Brotherly Love

2008-02-03T20:52:00.000-08:00

We keep pinching ourselves...Eli is SO kind and gentle to Beckett. Beckett loves to hear Eli's voice, and Eli loves to watch his reaction.

Adventures of Maple

2008-02-02T16:10:00.001-08:00

I grew up with Uncle Mike & Auntie Kay, Mamops & Popops, Gramma & Grampa Popps, Grandma Emily & Grandpa Frank..to name a few. Family that's not family, but they're, well, family. They truly loved my sisters and I, and we knew it.

Eli and Beckett are surely blessed by the love of family. We have some "adopted" family too. I'm so grateful for the way they love our children, for their wisdom and experience, and for the wonderful fact that somehow, we might be a blessing to them too.

Nonna, Mike and Katie, Miss Alice, David and Mona- just to name a few. And boy, we're pretty excited the Maples. Grownups might call them Kim and Rusty, but Eli calls them Maple and Mr. Maple. Maple is fun, adventurous, affectionate, generous, kind, creative, and wise. Eli recounts their adventures often, recites her special emails to him, and prays for Maple.

Here's Eli and Maple at The Butterfly House...

at the Zoo, riding the train...

AND the Carousel...twice!

Making some yummy Christmas treats...

... playing in their yard

I think it's just the beginning of Adventures with Maple.

sweet baby beckett

2008-02-02T15:30:00.000-08:00

His smiles are plentiful AND contagious! Here are some pics I took this afternoon. (And I finally freed hundreds of others trapped in our camera!)

That cute little spiral of hair...
Content to blow bubbles...
He's SO SWEET!!!

Don't Forget the Lyrics

2008-01-31T14:14:00.000-08:00

The time has come.

We may have to ask Eli, at certain times, to stop singing. I have so anticipated his love for music, and celebrated each new sign that he will have a passion for it. I never thought about the times when it would be inconvenient. I've readied myself for long recitals, the loud unending ruckus of him someday learning to play the drums, pleading requests for concert tickets...but I wasn't ready for this.

Messing with his naptime?

He is starting to skip naps. And not in the typical two year old fashion. Sure, he sometimes protests laying down. But several times over the past two weeks, it's been a new problem.

Singing.

At the top of his lungs.

The other day, in the baby monitor, I heard the quiet rustle of him shifting in his bed. The "plink plink" of him playing with his binkie. And then,

"Haaaaaa lay luuuuuu yaaaaaaah!'

Quiet for a few minutes.

"Dis is how we know what love is- Jesus Christ lay down his wife."

Yikes!! Not only his he not sleeping, his theology is a little off. That's supposed to be Jesus Christ laid down his life."

This went on for 45 minutes. Silence broken by new ideas of songs that couldn't be contained. I went upstairs and told him it was time to go night night.

He was quiet. And then,

"Haaaaa laaay luuuuuyaaaaaaah"

I smiled and enjoyed the sweet melody. He can always catch up on sleep, right? Yep, because this is just too precious. The other day, he sang this version of Come Thou Fount.

"Come dow fount of evwee bleseen, tune my howt to seen dy gwace. Sweet dreams mercy, never ceaseem call for soms of loudest pwaise."

Old Friends

2008-01-21T15:26:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure of when this legend becomes reality. I heard my parents talk about "old friends" when I was growing up. I figured I'd have some someday. When I was a grown up. You know, old.

There have been several reminders this past year that I am, officially, a grown up. I plucked my first three gray hairs this year. I am part of a mom's group. I have a grocery list on my fridge. I've worn the latest fads the last time they were fads.

And I have old friends. Wonderful, beautiful, you-always-feel-comfortable, old friends. I am blessed.

I got to see Cheryl this past week, visiting from Minneapolis. The hours were precious. Julie, Cheryl and I managed a few complete sentences among all the chaos that 6 kids can create. It occurred to me, when we lined up our kiddos on the couch (minus Beckett, who was snoozin') that maybe our kids will become old friends too.

At the very least, they'll grow up hearing us talk each other, and will aspire to have and be an "old friends" too.

two months old!

2008-01-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

Beckett is two months old today, and all smiles!

Quotables

2008-01-17T13:31:00.000-08:00

I LOVE that Eli can talk. When he was first learning words and phrases, it felt like we were handing him a "script." We still do, when it comes to asking for things politely, learning to share, expressing gratitude, etc.

But at almost 2 1/2, it is sheer delight to hear him creates his own questions, statements, requests, and observations. These are just a few spontaneous, unprompted quotes.

Yesterday, after his nap- " I need to put some pants on. My knees are FREEZIN'!"

Sunday night, in his high chair- "Daddy's a good daddy." Then he closed his eyes and said, "Thank you God for Daddy. Amen."

Today, in the car- "Holy canoli, that's a BIIIG man!"(Referring to a bronze statue in the park).

"Is Beckett cute? He's a good baby. I can pet him!"

We had a few "dum dum" lollipops in a bowl on top the fridge left from Halloween. We gave one to Eli, and he was hooked. So one morning, he asked for one, and we told him he could have one after his nap. He tried, in his own creative way, to negotiate.

Eli: "Eli can have a lollipop."
Me: "Yes, you can have a lollipop after your nap."
Eli: "Eli can look at them."
Me: "Yes, can you see the bag?"
Eli: "Mama can put the bowl miiiight (right) here." (He's pointing to a spot on the kitchen floor.)
Me: "No, we're not going to get the bowl down right now."
Eli: "I can put it might here in my hands like this" (Holding his cupped hands together, arms extended.)
Me: "We're going to leave the bowl up there."
Silent pause...
Eli: "Daddy can come in the kitchen and stand miiight here." ( Pointing to the same spot on the kitchen floor.)

I'm sure I'm forgetting plenty, but something tells me there are many more to come, so stay tuned!

Owners Manual

2008-01-17T12:50:00.000-08:00

My old Ford Escort did this funny thing where once every six months to a year, it just wouldn't start. Turn the key, and there was nothing. The first time, I tried to jump it...nothing. I don't remember what made me look in the owner's manual. Common sense tells me, even now, that the problem is way beyond anything in the appendix. But sure enough, there was an entry about this funny little problem with some emergency shut off switch that can get tripped accidentally. I turns off the flow of fuel to the engine, so that the car doesn't blow up in a accident. So, somewhere in the trunk, I flipped this switch that, until then, I didn't even know existed, and voila!- problem solved.

Funny, quirky, inconvenient, counterintuitive, but totally managable and even downright logical once you know what to look for.

Kinda like parenting sometimes.

So here are some things I would include in a baby/toddler owners manual.

- Put babies and kids down to sleep before they are tired.
- Pee when you have time, because when you really have to go, you probably won't have time.
- Drink when you're not thirsty....same reason.
- Lights will always be red when you have a crying baby in the back seat.
- Babies hands can get really stinky from being all balled up 24/7. Clean them with a wipe when you change their diaper.
- Pack a back up diaper bag and just leave it in the trunk of your car, for those times when you thought you had two more diapers in the bag. (thanks liberty!)
- The first 10 days of nursing is totally inconvenient, very confining, and even painful. After that, it's the most convenient, allows tons of freedom, and it hurts NOT to nurse.
- Even though we spend most of our life trying to keep our weight down, there's some sort of pride associated with babies/toddlers gaining weight. If you don't believe me, just ask a mom what "percentile" their child is in.
- Toddlers like to put things in holes. (Noses, trash cans, outlets, drains, cups, you name it.)
- If you put a baby in overalls, the straps usually scrunch up around their ears or in their mouth.
- Babies can grunt and move like a wild animal when they are about two inches away from their next meal.
- I think binkie and pacifier manufacturers secretly created a self destruct feature. Nothing else explains why the approximately 50 binkies we have purchased in the last two years have evaporated into thin air.
- To a parent, that first smile, when a baby is falling asleep and has a little gas, is just as beautiful as if it were a "real smile".

And then a few weeks later, the "real smile" is even better.

Bacon and Other Birthday Treasures

2008-01-08T15:00:00.000-08:00

Does this make you smile?

Me neither.

But it's a sign of my true love and affection for my wonderful husband. He's turning 33 on January 8th and this is what I'm giving him.

Beef. And Pork. And Chicken. And Bacon.

All he can eat, courtesy of Bacana Brazil.

I organized a dinner there for Joel and 22 of his closest guy friends. The responses to the evite were hilarious, and a great reminder of the sense of humor they all share. That, and an elevated cholesterol level.

Which reminds me of one my favorite Joel quotes for 2007. He asked me, in all seriousness, "Do you ever just ponder bacon?"

Nope, can't say that I do. But I sure do love my husband.

Happy Birthday babe!

Christmas Miracles

2007-12-23T19:55:00.000-08:00

This year, I'm thankful for miracles, big and small.

First, there's the obvious. God sent His precious son Jesus to earth, knowing he would die for our sins. Yes, He knew that he would ultimately conquer death and offer us a way to be with Him forever, but the reality of watching your son suffer and even die gets more intense with every wonderful day I spend with two sons of my own.

Now, for the smaller, but still important, Christmas miracles.

We have a family picture. In the snow! Do you know how much Joel hates to have his picture taken? And in this picture, there are no painful or awkwards smiles, no eyes closed...Joel actually looks like his handsome self. I am thrilled.

Last Christmas, we never would have guessed that this Christmas, we would be a family of four with little boy who is one month old. He is beautiful and healthy...and loved.

We sent a Christmas card. Before Christmas. If you know me, you know this is an incredible feat, and that my body must still be filled with some sort of magic baby hormone that causes me to start and, yes, finish a task. Not that I can take all the credit. It still wouldn't have happened without my incredible husband. But, I did more that just have a good intention... and some days, that really feels like big miracle.

More pics

2007-11-29T17:22:00.000-08:00

For now, we haven't made the time to "free" our pictures from the the camera. In the meantime, here are some pics from the hospital...

http://www.our365.com/webnursery/webnursery/Baby/BabyPageDirect.aspx?CID=0017983064

Pre-party

2007-11-25T17:30:00.000-08:00

I guess you could call it a pre-party.

No one was sure when they booked their flight if they were coming to meet Beckett, be here while he was born, or help me pass the time waiting for his arrival. Turned out, it was a little of all three. Sammi got here Friday night, Casey got here Saturday, and Donna got here Monday. Joel was definitely outnumbered, for now, and I was very thankful for 3 "low maintenance" ladies since we only have one bathroom.

Every evening, I had the same old contractions. Anywhere from 15 to 8 minutes apart, but they never turned into anything, other than sending me downstairs for another trip to the restroom in the middle of the night.

Monday, I wanted to take everyone to Forest Park because Casey and Sam hadn't seen much in St. Louis yet, and I thought a long walk might get things going. But the car wouldn't start, so we ended up at Dobbs, where I told them I was due the next day and having contractions so if they could PLEASE finish my car today it would be a huge help. Then we walked to a park in our neighborhood. Casey fixed us a delicious dinner that night.

The park or the dinner did the trick, because by 4:00 am Tuesday morning, my contractions were 6 minutes apart and getting stronger. Which leads us to the next part of the story....

...and then there were four.

2007-11-25T12:15:00.000-08:00

Dylan Beckett Lindsey is here!!!!!

More details to come, but here are the basics.

Beckett was born on Wednesday, November 21st at 1:31 p.m. He weighed in at 8 lbs 7 oz. ( a peanut compared to his big brother) and 21 inches long.

We're all healthy, happy to be home, and feeling great.